I spent three years as an active member of Something-Fishy, an online support community for people with eating disorders. I’ve felt for several months now a sense that Something-Fishy was no longer right for me. I had outgrown it.
But, ouch, it is so hard to let go of something you have turned to for years to learn self-acceptance, receive challenges and change my life…
I cannot remember when I started reading into Fat Acceptance and fell in love with it, but when I did, I brought what I learned (and loved) to Something-Fishy. This caused so much friction and anger and argument… I did not expect this.
Yesterday, the admin of the site finally posted something clear about what she thinks of these new ideas and it has given me the closure I’ve been craving.
“Where I part company with the gospel, whenever it’s cited by someone, is the idea that everyone who is overweight becuz of their ed & needs to address their health can do so in a slow-moving method via IE or that some people are meant to be obese. ” link: http://fishyvb.something-fishy.org/showthread.php?s=4ed4fd48306eced8e4ac92ed1e008d99&t=208478
“The gospel” is what they call Intuitive Eating and methods like it. I find this condescending in and of itself. It also annoys me that she thinks that the main supporters of FA on that site believe that IE can work for everyone. This is something I have said over and over and over and it seems that some people refuse to hear me. While I am a huge believer in IE, I do not believe that anything works for everyone. However, my statements to this point have been roundly ignored and I find it pointless to go round and round trying to get some people to hear me.
Beyond that, apparently she doesn’t believe that anyone could be meant to be obese. I heartily disagree to this. I think that people naturally come in all shapes and sizes. I also think that something, such as an eating disorder, could damage a metabolism to the point a body could not make it below obesity and still be healthy.
It has often been pointed out by Something-Fishy admin that obesity is unhealthy and that this is medical fact.
This just doesn’t convince me and this is where I part ways with the forum. A. Medical fact is constantly changing. B. I have seen plenty of medical facts that state that obesity and morbid obesity in a healthy-eating and active person can be even healthier than thinness.
My credibility on this subject has even been challenged on the board, because I am not currently obese. I haven’t been obese for years. I wasn’t an obese child and somehow the obese years I spent as a teen and a young 20-something do not count. Because I haven’t been obese for every day of my life, I could not possibly understand that intuitive methods will not work for most fatties. Because I was not obese for every day of my life, I could not understand that intuitive methods are a “phase” for most fatties that is eventually out-grown in favor of diets (aka: lifestyle changes). I’m sure the fact that I am not overweight at all at this point, really wrecks my credibility with some folks… but that is just their own bigotry showing.
I am tired and I’ve let go of an old friend who has become toxic to me. Good-bye Something-Fishy. It was nice knowing you for the phase in which you helped me. I do not believe intuitive methods should be a phase for most fatties. And, if this is what Something-Fishy promotes, then Something-Fishy was just a phase for me and I am happy to be moving on to better things.
— AngryGrayRainbows
Angry Gray Rainbows 
I could not agree with you more about Something Fishy. It helped me enormously to start recovery from BED, but the admin’s attitude to obesity and fat acceptance seems to me like something from the dark ages. IE is definitely not a phase for me and I will never go on to weight restoration, cause I know it’ll trigger the old ED feelings again no matter how recovered I am. Restriction is what caused my ED in the first place.
That being said, if anyone reading this is struggling with an ED, SF is a wonderful forum for support and advice, and I’m glad I found it when I did. You should just be aware that it is also very anti-fat acceptance, which is something I didn’t want to come up against any more.
I’m so glad I discovered the FA community because reading it every day stops me slipping back into my old diet and ED mentality.
I just read this because I saw HeatherJ under recent comments. I too have fond memories of SF until it became clear that fat acceptance was not OK. This gave me some closure as well. I am not fat per se but fat acceptance is important to my recovery and my personal values. Dark ages is a good description.
I wonder how much is the belief in the conventional wisdom of fat = terrible health and how much is internalized fat-phobia. I have heard many fat women say that their bodies do not reflect on the outside how they feel on the inside. I understand what they are saying but there is a way around that dilemma but it is hard. It requires one to examine what it means to be fat and to separate yourself from all the societal messages that disparage fat. Also the fantasy of being thin goes right out the window as well. This is quite a tall order for a recovering fat person but the fatosphere offers great role models and proves that it can be done.
Thanks so much AGR and HeatherJ
I was feeling lonely and adrift without SF until Sassyblonde told me about your blog. She also sent links to some FA blogs and gently told me to give them a try. Thanks AGR – this has been a great step forward in my recovery.
Thanks for your response, JennyRose. It’s nice to know there are several of us who feel the same.
HeatherJ, I’m glad you found us. And JR, you know how I feel about you and how glad I am that we’ve become cyber friends.
To me, when I left SF and AGR suggested we start a blog, I had that feeling that “when one door closes, another door opens”. The SF door closed but the AGR blog door opened.
I really believe that things in life happen when they’re supposed to, you know? I believe that I found SF when I was supposed to. It made me a more well rounded person with all the challenges that were sent my way. It also led me to the point where I am now. Although I don’t agree with the site now (in this phase of my recovery), I see where the information I gleaned from it got me to the place I am now.
If anything, the disagreement I feel with SF has convicted me more of my beliefs in FA.
~sas
Thanks for your warm words, sassyblonde. I think you’re right when you say “when one door closes, another door opens”. That’s how I felt when I left SF and went on to FA.