I’ve always love turtles. They seem like cool customers… then there’s that story about the tortoise and the hare that illustrates the virtue of “slow and steady.”
Somehow, my recent thinking about purpose has inspired thinking about turtles as well. I think that sea turtle pic is just priceless . All at once I glean the ideas of relaxed purpose, enjoyment and focus from that little swimmy guy… and it reminds me of what I want to be.
Maybe it’s the ritalin doing what it’s supposed to do – I’m guessing it is 😉 – but I’ve been noticing my difficulty holding onto my purpose for doing things lately and I’ve been seeing how it trips me up. For example, there is my boss. Too often I lose my sense of purpose in regards to her. If I must work on a project with her, I forget the ultimate purpose is to get something done. I get lost in my perception that this woman is trouble and most of what I do in communication with her is some desperate attempt to MAKE her see what a mess she is, so she can pull herself together and be less of a misery to work with. In the moment, I forget that it’s hard enough to change ourselves, let alone “make” others change themselves in scary and challenging ways. I lose the practical purpose of just getting through whatever work I must collaborate with her on…
Right now, I would like to focus more on my true purpose and, otherwise, what is realistic. It is an old habit, given the abusive doofs who raised me, to try to change people for the sake of my very survival. But, if I ask myself if even trying this is realistic, the answer is instantaneous and obvious. Funny how that works, eh?
I can also see how this can be helpful from an body acceptance point of view and even a body acceptance bloggers’ point of view.
As fat acceptance/body acceptance folks, it can be hard to hold onto our ideas and values when nearly our whole culture seems to be trying to drag us away from what acceptance we have gained. I’m sure we all, except maybe Kate Harding (because I am convinced she is some kind of acceptance superwoman), catch ourselves doing things sometimes that go against one of our main goals – acceptance. Sometimes ya just get that sense that something just is not right and that is a good place to ask what our real purpose is. And, as a blogger, I have been lucky enough to have no trollz at yet. But, I know many of your other bloggers have them and I have seen good people struggle with how to deal with them and what is the right thing to do. I think when dealing with a triggering, troll MO-ron as Sassy would say, it would be helpful to review then what the purpose of the blog is and how I can best get there in dealing with this troll.
Okay, so to many of you readers, this may all be very obvious stuff for you – but it has not been for me. Maybe it’s the ADD. Maybe it’s just me. But, I feel this yawning hunger for more focus on purpose, so that I can spend more time working towards what I want and less time chasing the ghosts of hope that I will “fix” certain people, etc.
And, since this is also an acceptance blog, here is a challenge for you folks that were coming here for a good dose of body acceptance!
The next time you find yourself picking yourself apart in the mirror or talking to yourself in a not nice way or not eating what you truly want and need for fear of not looking like you walked off TV… ask yourself what your purpose is for doing that and if it is really something in-line with your acceptance values. Instead of doing the non-acceptance thing, what could you do that would be in line with your believe in acceptance and self-love and appreciation of bodies of ALL SHAPES AND SIZES!
–AngryGrayRainbows
Angry Gray Rainbows 
When I first started blogging, I had trolls. I published their comments, and tried enlightening them (unless they really pissed me off, then I got nasty with them). All that did was increase the trolling and the vitriol they spewed. So I decided that ignoring them was better, which is why I have comment moderation enabled on my blog. All comments come to me first, then I decide if I will publish or reject the comment. If it’s a troll, rejection is guaranteed. I had one troll who was very persistent, in spite of the fact that I never published its posts (not sure if troll was he or she, so I call said troll “it”). Got to the point where troll would follow me to blogs on which I commented and come back to tell me I wasn’t allowed to do that until I lost weight (couldn’t blog, had to sell my minivan and walk everywhere, quit eating, blah blah blah de blah). Troll even got brave enough to comment on one blog after I commented and said I wasn’t allowed to comment. With help from other bloggers (and the site meter I added to my blog), we figured out the troll’s IP address and I posted it. Wonder of wonders, no more troll (so far, knock on wood). Trolls want attention, but more than that, I think they want to know that they’ve hurt us in some way with their words. My take on that is that I don’t know the troll personally, will probably never know the troll, and don’t have to interact with the troll in my daily life in person, so whatever said troll has to say to me means nothing, zip, zero, nada. I’m not going to give them the satisfaction of upsetting me and making me feel badly about myself (I let my family do that to me for too many years, I don’t let them do it anymore, why would I let a stranger do it?). I apply that same logic to strangers on the street, commercials on tv for diets and drugs and WLS, and anything that tries to make me feel like I’m not a worthwhile person and shouldn’t have a life to live and enjoy until I get thin. Maybe getting older gives one a better perspective on things like that, makes you realize that it’s not worth wasting time on things like that, because we don’t have forever. I want to make the best use of what time I have left on this earth, whether it’s 2 hours or 40 more years. None of us know when death is going to happen to us, or why it’s going to happen to us, all we know for sure is that it’s going to happen. Until then, we should all live our lives as best we can, love as many people as we can (and let them know we love them), and enjoy the hell out of the time we do have, as best we can. It’s a tall order, and not easy to do, and bad times are a necessary evil so we can recognize the good ones, but letting the bad times rule your life, so not worth it.
I think it was on the Rotund where there was some venting about trollz that I commented that I think if you’re getting trollz like that – I think you must be doing something right, because you’re scaring people who are invested in narrowly defining fat and/or womanhood, virtue, etc.
I have to give my boyfriend credit for reminding me of that. I was complaining that this really nutty person at work wasn’t agreeing with me and he said, “Good!!! I would be worried if that person started agreeing with you!” LOL
I remember reading in one of the Buddhist books I have devoured about how this moment is all we truly have – like you said, Vesta. When I think of it that way, I become very greedy to make the most out of the time I have now, as opposed to assuming I will have time to enjoy things later. Later is always…. ya know…. later. Might as well live now, yes?
Good for you standing up to that ridiculous troll! It’s about time you got a break from that jerk!
Living in the present and with purpose? Both have been hard for me to do in the past but I’m with Vesta, I think the older you get, the more you value your life and the importance of it. I still struggle with my purpose and sometimes my decisions, but I think I am doing better at making the most of what I have now and not taking anything for granted. (the present economy has made me thankful for all I have right now and I try not to take anything for granted)
I will try hard to do things in line with my acceptance values. Great blog by the way!
I wanna add that I totally agree about the getting older helps thing. 😀 Thank you for reminding me of this. It reminds me of good things to come.
I wouldn’t go back to my 20’s if you paid me. I cannot wait to see what 40 is like. If groundedness and wisdom comes with crows-feet, I am all for aging!