A personal update…
My step-father is having open-heart surgery on Wednesday. My mother sounds scared. She also says that his complextion is weird and he’s sleeping all the time. 😦 I hope everything goes smoothly…
Will I be going there to support them? Nope. Lucky me. I didn’t even have to put up a boundary. My step-father doesn’t like people fussing over him or being “put out” for him… plus, he’s crazy secretive. He asked my mother to ask me not to come. Honestly, I was hoping he would do something like this. As I’ve posted before, my mother really wrecks my wellbeing and as much as I’d like to support him, I don’t think I can be around her.
Otherwise, I have been trying to focus on enjoying life. I’ve been getting out and moving. I’ve been visiting people I know and having fun. I’ve been walking the cats. I’ve been watching fun movies. I haven’t felt this little of a struggle to actually LIVE since I was really young… like younger than 10. Life is pretty cool… other than the worry about my family. I am thankful that at least some things that I’ve spent my adult life struggling with – are going right…
I’d appreciate any good vibes ya’all could send towards my step-dad…
–AngryGrayRainbows
Angry Gray Rainbows 
Many good vibes and prayers go out for your step father and anyone else involved.
I’m so glad that he doesn’t want you there because avoiding the toxicity of your mom is great!
Live that life baby!
I’m so glad that your step-dad didn’t ask you to come!
I wish him a complete recovery — of body and spirit!
*hugs*
Many warm thoughts and prayers to you and the Famz.
BTW, our Mom’s could TOTALLY start a “Let’s Destroy and Demean Our Daughters” club!!
Positive vibes coming from here too xx
Thank you so much for the well wishes. They mean a lot to me… especially since (as usual when sad things happen), I feel alone with all this – though, I know I am not.
Tomorrow is the big day. I am trying to take extra gentle care of myself, because the emotional swell has been gathering and I’ve been spending a lot of time feeling really down and worried. I’m also reminding myself that these feelings are normal given the circumstances…. thankfully, this rememberence is actually helping me…
I have a feeling he’ll be alright… sometimes I get “feelings.” Sometimes they’re right and sometimes they’re not… but often when it’s about something really important – they are right, I’ve noticed… so I’m hoping all will be well, but I’m a little shy to hope too much.
I had this apptitude test for that new job I’ve been trying for and learning about scheduled for Thursday morning, but I’ve rescheduled, because I think spending a big emotional Wednesday (even if everything does go well) will not have me in a great state to take tests on Thursday… even if I really like tests… and I do. I am a mega-nerd. Yes I am. I am going to reschedule for next week in the interest of self-care.
I’m considering asking the bf to work from home tomorrow, so I’m not alone in this house with all these feelings and worries… but, ya know, I think I’m deciding against that. The bf worries about me a lot… sometimes it just adds to the stress sometimes and I really don’t want that right now. If it came to it, I could always call him and ask him to come home… I don’t doubt that he would come asap if I really needed him…
Maybe I’ll go to the gym and sit in the jacuzzi and have my cell in some place where I can hear it and reach it without ruining it to get whatever news there is… my mother said she’d call as soon as she knew anything….
Keep those well wishes coming, friends… I so need them….