So if you’ve been following along, my mini-vacation from work starts tomorrow. I have fudged a bit and sort of started it today. Both bosses are gone and I have the office to myself. I’ve got my XM going on the computer and it’s cranked up loud and I’m having a great time getting some last minute things organized so I don’t have to worry about them.
Everyone knows from the parking lot when my bosses aren’t here and they come up and talk to me (if I’m not busy I really enjoy it!) when I’m by myself. I get to catch up on everyone and how work is going outside of my cubicle.
Today, someone came to my office and said he was going to a pancake breakfast fund raiser and asked if I wanted him to bring me a plate back to work. I thought (I wish I could say I thought long and hard), and I thought, “I have not had pancakes in a long time!” and I told him yes. You guys, he brought me three lovely fluffy pancakes with bacon AND sausage and plenty of butter and syrup. OMG! I was in heaven! What a perfect way to get my vacation started!
I started thinking about what was so special about pancakes and I quickly went back in time when I was young and living at home. I don’t have a lot of fond memories of my father but him standing in the kitchen making pancakes is definitely a fond memory.
My father was in the Air Force for 20 years and in that time he was away from us a lot and he learned to cook for himself and he could fix a mean breakfast. What was so great about his pancakes was you never knew what he was going to put in them. He did the traditional pancakes and sometimes he would add blueberries or pecans but my favorite were his vanilla or maple pancakes and sometimes his peanut butter pancakes. I would wait at the table for my pancakes and he would serve me mine and then sit down with me to eat his. Good memories!
So back to the pancakes in general…this morning I realized I placed a lot of importance on the fact that I “hadn’t had pancakes in so long” and you know what that sounds like to me? “I’ve been so good not to have fattening pancakes.” Or “Do I deserve to eat pancakes?” Or even “It’s a special time, the beginning of my vacation, so I’ll have pancakes to celebrate.”
Why do I base my goodness on what I do or don’t eat? Why do I think I don’t deserve pancakes? Why do I have to wait for celebratory times to eat the foods I like? SKEWED THINKING! FORTY-SOMETHING YEARS OF SKEWED THINKING! So I haven’t got my new acceptance thinking down pat yet but I’m catching myself more and more along the way. It may take me a while but I’m on the right road.
Again I say, “Thank God for pancakes!”
Angry Gray Rainbows 
wow . . . this really touched me. pancakes are one of those things that it’s just hard for me to allow myself to eat. it makes me wonder if i can change, too.
and my dad used to make us initial pancakes, in the shape of the letter our names started with. he could even do an R!
Oh believe me, you can change Sarah! If I can change you can too. Just tell yourself you are “allowed” to eat pancakes. Who told you you couldn’t? I think that’s the real question. When did you stop relying on your own body, mind and spirit to tell you what you could and couldn’t do?
I stopped living intuitively very young when I was told by my parents I needed to start dieting at age 7. This dieting mindset stayed with me until about the age of 40 and depending on others to tell me what and when to eat spilled over into every other aspect of my life. I became totally dependent on everything or everyone else and lost my ability to make decisions on my own. I depended on everyone else to tell me if I was worthy or deserving.
I don’t need to be “allowed” to eat pancakes anymore. I am deserving enough to eat whatever my body calls for. Would I eat pancakes again for dinner tonight? Probably not because, first of all, I’m not hungry but secondly, because my body’s not asking for pancakes. If my body decided it wanted more fluffy, sweet, buttery pancakes though, I certainly would eat them.
A pancake in the shape of an “R”? Now that’s an art form right there!
MMMMMMMMMMMMM… pancakes……….. pancakes are awesome…..
Good for your for bucking the old, skewed thinking! That can be such a radical act of courage.
IHOP has stuffed french toast… OMG, if you haven’t tried it, I highly recommend it. 😉 The banana stuffed with cream cheese is DIVINE!
Banana stuffed with cream cheese? OMG! Delish!
Those pancakes look delish!
I hope you enjoy your vacation.
And your extended vacation from skewed thinking.
I’ve really been loving your posts even though I don’t always comment. I identify with what you are saying much of the time, and I too started dieting young and am beginning to “think for myself” when it comes to food, at age 40. Not too late to start, though.
Oh type2, thank you so much. I understand about not always commenting because I rarely comment on other blogs but I continue reading them (like yours) because I do relate.
Thanks for the validation about being able to think for ourselves. It’s taking me a while to realize it but I guess the old saying is right: “one day at a time.”