Happiness… Messing with my Creativity… :-P

If I was a seal, I would be this seal.  All smiley and happy… I’ve been like this for days now and, weirdly, it has made blog posting difficult…

I didn’t want to blog about being so happy until I knew if the happiness would stick or not.  I wanted to wait a week or two… however, since I can think of little else to blog about – here goes.  😉

The happiness, in large part I think, stems from some work I wrote about here, about my fast eating.  Since I wrote that post and made the realizations that I made before and after it, HOLY CRAP…. I feel so good.  Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too.  All of a sudden, I have less of that constant, droning, background insecurity.  I wonder if I feel more secure now, because I’m not physically stressed from waiting too long to eat…?  It is as if my whole being has relaxed.  All these physical problems I used to have disappeared since I stopped waiting so long to eat.  My TMJ is GONE.  I had another flare-up for a week and a half and the second day of eating before starvation sets in, my TMJ went away.  My lower-back pain is straight gone.  I’m not getting nauseas after meals at all (usually, I get nauseas at least after every dinner for some reason). 

I’ve had relief from these symptoms before… like if I went on vacation to visit or with someone, but not if I travelled alone – even if it was leisure travel.  It always confused me how I felt so much better while relaxing with someone else.  Yesterday, it hit me.  When vacationing with someone else, whoever I was with made sure we ate at decent intervals, so that I didn’t allow myself to get so extremely hungry! 

Another problem that is fairly weird also seems to have evaporated for the first time in my adult life as far as I can remember.  Emotionally, it has been really hard to put effort into getting food for myself.  Mostly this applied to going out to pick-up take-out or cooking at home.  I would feel so panicked if there was any effort in getting myself food… which lead me to often eating whatever was most convenient.  This meant lots of cereal and frozen stuff.  I am guessing that this emotional difficulty had something to do with the insecurity of making myself wait until I was SOOOOOOOOOOO hungry to eat… cuz that’s gone too. 

I’ve also noticed that my normal ADD speediness is a lot easier to manage… which is again, weird.  I’ve always noticed that when I was able to eat slowly that I was calmer in general… or perhaps, I was only able to eat slowly when I was calmer in general.  I really don’t know which comes first.  😉  But… it is just so much easier to just sink into the moment and just BE… rather than nervously flitting from thing to thing… Honestly, I feel like someone put me on another medication or something, because the difference in my quality of life is just that dramatic to me.  It’s just… woah. 

I remember that when I was in uni that I had some real thin friends.  I was pretty thin myself, actually… but I was always quizzing them for tips as I was also pretty darn obsessed.  One thing a lot of thin people told me was that they didn’t eat breakfast, cuz if they didn’t eat breakfast, then they ate less all day long.  When they did eat breakfast, they ate more all day and they feared they would gain weight.  I took what these people told me and became sure that a way to make sure I didn’t overeat was to not eat until I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY HAD TO.  It’s been a very old habit, to the point that I forgot where it even came from or why I did it.  The irony is that I’m not eating any more than I was before.  In fact, cuz I am calmer and eating more slowly, I am sometimes eating a bit less than my normal fast eating self.  So, after all these ridiculous years, I finally figure out that this starving to control appetite thing really doesn’t work for me and I’m guessing that trying to starve to control appetite is tripping up the quality of life of other folks too…

Did I mention that I also have more energy?  I would love to go to the gym right now or do some house cleaning to take this new energy for a spin, but right now, I am really enjoying just sitting here… and not being in pain and being able to think far more clearly than usual.  After I’ve savoured this for a little while longer, I cannot wait to have a short swim at the gym and some hot tub relaxing.  Nothing huge.  Just some play-time for me and my bod.  😀

In addition to just feeling way better, I’m really happy that I figured this stuff out before I got a new job offer.  Right now, I’m a stay-at-home fiance and cat-mom.  My boyfriend has been very supportive of my taking some time off, after I experienced some really bad burn out from my last job (that was just a nightmare).  But, I’ve been interviewing a bit lately… and I’m starting to feel ready, willing and able to work again.  In fact, I’m feeling excited at the prospect.  Who knew I only needed a month and a half to recoup?  I took some aptitude tests for this prestigious job at some prestigious company (not that I care much for prestige, but the prestige does nice things for the resume – which is something that can definitely help) yesterday.  I should be hearing back on results this week and I’m finding myself actually hoping for a job offer.  The potential pay is good… benefits are good… work from home is possible and the office would be two blocks away from my boyfriend’s office.  I have my fingers and toes crossed, because this seems like a very sweet deal that I would at least like to take for a spin.  Wish me luck!

Readers (I’m toying with the idea of calling ya’all Rainbowers 😉 ): Have you ever experienced anything like this?  Have you gone from waiting until the deep levels of hunger to eat, to eating at a more moderate level?  What was your experience?

–AngryGrayRainbows