Celebration of Self-Care

It is time to post a celebration of self-care in action.  😉  This kinda thing helps remind me that self-care is a good thing when my brain goes all wonky and thinks that I don’t deserve any kind care and should just scrape by with only enough to not be in too too much pain.  *headdesk*

I totally forgot how important a good fitting bra is.  I have spent months with these stupid bras that weren’t big enough around the rib cage.  It really annoys me that bra makers seem to think that my rib cage size is something that shouldn’t or doesn’t exist in nature.  Even as a thin woman, I still had a hard time finding 38’s or 40’s that would fit me.  Since I don’t have a job right now, I have been trying to manage braless.  I am a pretty modest dresser, so a sweatshirt over a t-shirt so my bralessness didn’t cause annoying stares worked beautifully… sorta.  The main problem was my cats.  What is it about cats and nipples???!!!!????  It’s like they have nipple-dar on their feet!  They know JUST where to step and for months I have been crying out in pain several times a day, because I didn’t realize some cat was about to walk across me and step down on one nipple and then the other… and then they’d look at me like I was some kinda nut for yelping in pain.  It doesn’t help that three of my four cats are very large cats!  And, when I did wear one of my old (too small) bras, I’d have really bad back pain for days afterward.  I didn’t make the backpain/bra connection until very recently, otherwise I would’ve had new bras a long time ago.  Not only that, but not wearing a bra was messing with my back too. 

Now, I’m not one to think women HAVE to wear bras as some obligation.  I happen to be one of those women who like to wear them – most of the time.  Boob whip-lash is something I have always hated and I generally prefer something nice and supportive.  So… I went to Target.  It has been years since I went anywhere but a Macy’s type store for bras.  As a teen, once, I bought horrible bras from Walmart and in reaction decided to pay a mint for all bras going forward.  Well, money is tight now, so I gave Target a try.  Whooo hoooooo!!!  I had to really dig to find my size, but I found a few that fit me and OMG I feel SO MUCH BETTER!  All this reminds me of the importance of wearing clothes that fit in general… not just bras.  It has been straight depressing to not have good fitting bras and to avoid wearing my tight bras when I like wearing them generally!  And yay for bras that don’t cost an arm and a leg!  Whooo hoooooooooooooo!  Yay Target!  Not to mention that my cats seem way happier without me yelping in pain all the time and startling them.  When we take care of ourselves, our loved ones benefit too… 😉

On the otherhand, this whole experience underlines to me the pain that the majority of clothes designers create for women of size.  I’m 5’9″ and somewhere in the overweight range and 90% of the time, I cannot find clothes for myself.  I remember SweetMachine (at ShapelyProse) describing herself as an “in-betweenie.”  Yeah… me too.  The “normal” sizes are usually too small and the “plus-sizes” are often too big.  There are a handful of stores that have plus-sizes that work for me… NYC & Co, JCP’s, Old Navy… and that’s really about it…. sigh….  Anyway, I’m starting to feel like a lack of nice clothes that feel good is an attack on self-esteem of some kind…. it makes me so mad.  It makes me wish I could sew, so I could make a spiffy plus-sized line for women who aren’t of the average or smaller body type that most clothes designers seem to make clothes for. 

Otherwise, I am rediscovering the miracle (for me) that is ritalin.  I’ve been on it for a while now (four months, I think?) and I am STILL seeing improvements in my focus.  Focusing is becoming more and more FUN.  I’m loving “taking my brain for a spin” by trying new things that require more and more focus.  I’ve found myself reading articles about improving concentration and actually being able to implement some of the advice.  Pre-ritalin I was way too all over the place to get almost any focusing technique to work for me.  I can’t believe how much I suffered… and what is more unbelievable to me is that for my whole life, I thought this suffering was normal. 

The moral of this story is to not be shy when it comes to self-care and self-love – these things pay off in ways you might not be able to envision before you enact them.  Besides, YOU ARE WORTH IT.  And, so am I.  Every now and then I forget this and rediscover it, but I’ve noticed that with more acceptance work that I forget this less often and remember it faster when I do.  Here’s to increasingly shallower valleys of self-care and peaks that seem to just keep getting higher and more amazing!

I know a lot of my readers are good at self-care and prolly have some things they could teach me… for those of you who struggle: Where do you struggle with self-care and why?

–AngryGrayRainbows