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Angry Gray Rainbows 
I just bought an iPhone. Does anyone know of any podcasts that are supportive and/or help with recovery?
Also, I am exercising on a Wii. It does give an avatar of the body and I am OK with how it looks! I think it is kind of funny. I entered my goal which is the same as what I way now. I am getting exercise and making great strides toward my goal of not changing. I love my goal which is to stay the same. I actually feel a little self-acceptance sneaking in.
Oooo ooooo!! I love the goal of staying the same. That is some awesome acceptance.
Regarding podcasts, I don’t know of any acceptance ones, though I know there are some good radical acceptance ones that lean more towards Buddhism. 😉 I think you should be able to burn CD tracks onto your Iphone though. At least, I did this on my Ipod. I wonder if Intuitive Eating, Fat!So? or any of the Geneen Roth stuff comes on CD… could be neat stuff to have on hand. If you could just burn a few tracks at a time, you wouldn’t use all your Iphone memory.
my new kitten has been playing “wii-wii” on the bed first thing in the morning. *hahaha!*
The rest of the day, whether I’m around or not, he goes n the box…but he has wii’d 3 times in bed now in 2 weeks.
For being only 12 wiiks old, I suppose that isn’t such a bad record.
* ; )
Trying to talk myself out of buying ‘wintergirls’.
I hope that bit about your cat doesn’t mean what I think it means… if it does, my cat went on a peeing spree in my bed once too. I found out he didn’t like his new cat litter. Sheesh. Cats.
Then I have this other cat that was pooing in my bed every few days. The behavioralist said he was leaving me ‘beacons’ cuz he missed me and wanted me to come home…. cats are so weird.
‘Wintergirls’ looks potentially very triggering. What are the pros and cons of you reading the book? Is reading it in your best interest? Good self-care is priceless ya know. 😉
*haha!* yyyesss…it does mean what you thought. Not this morning though! After a brief snuggle I took my little one into the bathroom to potty and he peed there before his morning ROMP.
I forgot to mentoin that I am toilet-training this cat ~ !! ~ (details of this process on my blog) and he is doing really well! I think the morning thing is just…maybe he feels so snuggly and comfortable he forgets himself during the couple of seconds it takes for him to start doing it…
* : .
Yeah…I don’t need to challenge myself like that by reading that book. I think it might be a bad idea after all.
LOL… I think it’s kinda a compliment (albeit a weird one) that your kitty is so happy that he forgets to use the litter box. Cats crack me up.
I’m glad to hear you’re not getting that book. It looks pretty toxic to me… 😉 I much prefer my fantasy books about magic and swords and stuff. 😀
*haha!* ooops! wrong name up there! It’s me, hope505!
I posted some poetry from my 20-year-old self that is surprisingly profound. Maybe not so surprising.
I’ve also been thinking about the novel I want to write at some point, and how I think I finally know the plot!
It would be sort of the opposite of Wintergirls, I think. More a perspective of that 20-year-old self, so unsure if self-acceptance was possible, with mounting evidence on both sides, and the steps she takes towards or away from it, and lots of humorous misinterpretation of other people’s motives.
Self Image vs. Imagined Self
Looking out at the world, the ay I think i look is beautiful.
I am an amazingly powerful force of nature. I am soft and curvy and womanly. I am woman.
Then I catch a glimpse of myself in a window, mirror or the side of a car and it call comes crashing down. My waists to thick, my bumm to broad, my thighs to chunky. My breasts are to large, my arms to jiggly and covered with red splotchs when they are cold. I notice my a double chin, my pores are to large, i have shadows under my eyes, my nose is to large, my eyes to small. My hair is to flat, or to frizzy. Its seems nothing looks right.
I hate to see myself reflected. So much so that i avoid exercise classes because of the mirrors. Starring at myself is uncomfortable…yet at the same time I feel compelled to look at myself in store windows as I walk down the street. It seems I compulsively look at myself and then yet i am disappointed regularly by what i see. what i feel like inside never seems to match what I see reflected back at me. Inside I am an Aston Martin DB9 valiant (james bonds car) but outside I am a Toyota Mini Van
What a comment Dedabets!! I read it the day you submitted it and I have been chewing on it every since. You have described the struggle so many folks with body-hate feel. I personally find it relieving when someone seems to read my mind… to confirm my experience like you did.
I have those days where I feel like a DB9 on the inside and a minivan on the outside. On this blog, we have a commentor who is also a blogger who has some just AMAZING posts about transforming those feelings of feeling like a minivan into something more lively and beautiful. Her site is: xanga.com/wellroundedtype2. One of my favorite of her posts is about going to dance and envisioning her fat filled with love…. as opposed to her fat representing whatever negative things she could think up. I highly recommend looking it up. In fact, I will dig up that post from WRT2’s website and post a link on my site… just a link, mind you to encourage folks to go to WRT2’s site so her site gets the hits it deserves. 😉
Another thing that comes to mind when I read about your body-image description is a way to challenge body hate that I learned years ago that has disappointed me. I ask myself what I think will be different when I’m thinner. Stuff that usually came up for me was: I will be more successful, I will be loved by people, I will find someone to marry, my parents will respect me, I will feel comfortable exercising… etc. Then, I ask myself the question – do any of these things REQUIRE that I am thinner? In my experience in challenging myself and others in this way, INVARIABLY the things that we think would be so much better when we’re thinner are things that don’t require thinness to achieve… but we feel intimidated by facing these things and it is far easier just to blame the fat. Does that make sense?
Welcome to AGR!!!
sorry – so many typos
thank you for the warm welcome. As what happens with alot of my comments on blogs – I dash them out as deep gut feelings and then later they become something more. I have been thinking about taking my self image vs. imagined self and turning it into a blog on my page.
I have a friend who is very thin who struggles with something similar. we both go walking for coffee, both of us looking at our image and hating what we see. Oddly enough – she sees me as smaller. She bought me a t-shrirt once from a show she went to. She hands it and says – here is an XL cause you say your large – even though your not…I can BARELY fit it of the boobs… So its not about being over weight. In fact body issues seem to be very much the same regardless of ones true weight.
One thing that helped build my imagine self – which I think may be more real then I think when I view my reflected image (does that make sense – what I see is not what other people see – they see who I am in my mind) I digress – something that helped me was belly dancing. Baring my mid section which I hated – and learning how to move my body – made a huge difference for me. Most of the time I feel more sexy and desirable at 200+ then I did at 135 with a 24 inch waist…then belly dancing did so much for me…and I have come along way. I have much further to go with accepting who I am. I dont want to be thin anymore, but I do want to be able to keep up with my three sons. I want to play with them and run with them and bike with them.
My mother is an amazing women. She is smart and beautiful. She is also 300+. And its not the weight that scares me – its her health. She can no longer do the things she did just 5 years ago. I am scared that i will become my mother. How do I accept that I am a larger women – love that I am this women, and yet not develop the heath problems my mother has? Accept her size, yet worry for her heath. where is the balance?
I wonder if your mother’s head issues truly have to do with her weight. 😉 A lot of the health problems that “experts” blame on fat has been proven in scientific studies to have more to do with genetics and the natural aging process. Also, who is to say the fat caused the health issue. Maybe the health issue caused the fat. Maybe the fat will help improve your mother’s survival likelihood… for example, fat women better survive heart attacks than thin women.
My step-father blames his health problems on fat… when maybe his fat saved his life when he had to have emergency quadrupal open heart surgery. What I do know for sure is that this man has been on and off diets his whole life and it has taken a toll on his health. He also has untreated depression (and prolly other mental illnesses as well… seriously…. he has many scary symptoms) and has hated himself thoroughly for as long as I’ve known him (30 yrs). I believe that these things have more to do with his crappy health than the fact he has been overweight. Besides, the guy has been on every diet known to man. It’s not like he hasn’t tried. There comes a point when it makes more sense to realize that diets don’t work than to continually blame fat people for not losing weight on them.
Does that help?
that was a typo = I ment health issues – not head issues.
She began having knee and leg problems because of the weight. Which lead to her using her hands to push her self up. Now her hands are going…so she doesnt move at all.
Diets dont work. I dont want to be thin…but I do want to be able to play with my grandchildren some day. My mother has always been a bigger women. And I believe that i will be to. And thats okay. But – she cant move at all without pain now. Some of that has to be weigh releated = right?
It depends. What is the cause of the pain?
Thin people can also have problems that cause them to have a lot of pain with movement… arthritis for example.
If it is her weight that is actually causing her some pain, then that is a sticky situations. Diets tend to make people fatter in the long run… which would just make the problem worse.
Or… her pain may have more to do with not getting exercise as opposed to the actual weight. For example, my co-blogger is morbidly obese and she had a lot of pain… then she started exercising and all her pain went away. So… it really all depends.
wow – so much to think about.
thank you