Around the fat-o-sphere, we see a lot of talk about the FOBT – fantasy of being thin… and I agree completely that looking at thin fantasies is a very helpful exercise. I also like to turn ideas up-side-down to see what they yield, so today I was wondering about fat fantasies. What are your fantasies of fatness?
If I access the least size accepting part of my mind and listen to it drone on about how fat ruins everything, I can come up with this old list that I used to believe in 150% during my eating disordered years…
Being Fat Means:
~ I will never have career success.
~ I will never have friends.
~ I will never have a successful romantic relationship.
~ I will never get anything right.
~ I will deserve less-than treatment from everyone around me.
~ There is no point of doing anything self-loving, because I don’t deserve it anyway… cuz I’m fat.
I like the idea of calling these fat fantasies, because that is what they are. They aren’t based on reality. Fat people have career success and friends and successful romantic relationships, etc. These thoughts that fat holds me back in the most important areas of my life ARE FANTASY. I like the fantasy framing, because then marinading in these thoughts becomes and indulgence… not even any kind of pleasant, cathartic or helpful indulgence. It’s just this useless torture thing we do to ourselves when our self-esteem is out of whack.
Now… what are your FOBTs? What are those things you believe you’ll only be able to accomlish when you’re thin? Do those things honestly and truly require thinness as a prerequisite? And… how can you move towards bringing those things you want into your life right now – whatever your weight?
Fantasies of fat and thinness are all over the air waves. It’s a real shame. What would we be capable of if we focused on something that actually COULD change our lives… as opposed to our body shape, which is in large part genetic?
–AngryGrayRainbows
Angry Gray Rainbows 
I love your blog! These fantasies that you speak of are fascinating. I kind of feel like I am not worthy to be in the presence of thin people because I am curvy. Forget the fact that I am accomplished with a Masters Degree, intelligent, and completely awesome, all of that is canceled out by my 170 lb frame. Crazy stuff.
I think that my most prominent fat fantasy has to do with assuming that everyone I come in contact with is fat hating.
So, what I have or what I am doesn’t matter — because, until they prove otherwise, I’m assuming anyone I meet will think poorly of me.
I really need to assume the opposite, that until or unless they prove otherwise, people I meet are open to accepting me.
Yup… I deal with that fantasy myself. Meh… it’s no fun, right?
You are so right. We tend to think of fantasies always being representative of something good or better but that is not a complete definition of the word. A fantasy is something not based in reality, be that good or bad.
Thanks for reminding us of that!
When I saw the title of this entry, I had positive fantasies in my mind:
*people appreciate that my body is nurturing and soft
*thin women envy how well equipped to bear and nurse children
*my generous bust and booty always get noticed (in a good way)
*great fat-fashioned become available – inspired by Mad Men or Kirstie Alley at first, who cares? – then more designers follow
*confident and free from diet-obsessing, I get promoted and given the best assignments
*my doctor and my mother compliment me on my good health
Karen,
I love it when someone takes an idea goes their own way with it… turns it up-side-down even to see more facets of the idea… like you did!
I think some of these things you listed fall more under the banner of FAT REALITIES though… which I think is really neat. It is always nice to take stock of the good bits about being fat, since even we on the fatosphere tend more to talk about the challenges of being fat.
I love this point most of all: *confident and free from diet-obsessing, I get promoted and given the best assignments — I remember when I used to live this fat reality… before years of body hate and dieting eroded this quality away… today I’m working on building this quality back up again. 😉
Perhaps I define fantasy differently…
I fantasize about cuddling with my husband, turning my backyard into a beautiful green space, and re-organizing my closets. Some of those dreams will happen, or I’ll at least try since they are (mostly) achievable.
That’s where I was coming from…dreaming, then having the persistence, determination, and luck to get the dreams to come true!
Just a difference slant, or nuance.
Hope you get that self-confidence back!
[…] got it and I can’t, and I imagine myself one day in the future doing something like that. It’s something along the lines of a Fat/Skinny Fantasy. As pointed out by Angry Gray Rainbows, we all have them. Or have had […]
My FABF is that I will be judged/shunned at the gym. Every time I go there I nearly have a panic attack – thinking of the way my fat jiggles when I am busting it out on the elliptical or what not.
The thing I realized: I just down right hate that sort of exercise. Not fun – gasping away on the treadmill trying not to “look” like the fatty who just pulled herself away from the cheese fried cheese dooddles.
So what I did yesterday? I joined a water aerobics class. I LOVE being in water. I was really terrified of going by myself (would I embarrass myself? would I look dumb? could I keep up?) But was over joyed at the array of old/young/flabby/droppy/pert/toned mixed of bodies in bathing suits giddily splashing around in the water. And boy was it a workout!! And I felt wonderful when I left (albeit tired and sore)
I dont mind the gym as long as I dont look at myself in a mirror. My boxing instructor once asked me to stand infront of mirror and shadow box to perfect the form. Within five minutes I was crying. I was so embarressed. I dont do group classes for that reason…too many mirrors and too many skinny women in clingy clothes
Ya’all are just full of post ideas for me today. I used to struggle with the mirror myself. My therapist told me years ago that women with poor body image often have a really hard time looking in the mirror. Some women can only tolerate looking at their faces in the mirror and anything lower than that is ‘intolerable.’
I started out getting used to gym mirrors by looking at my full body in the mirrors, but while unfocusing my eyes. Slowly, I was able to stand to see the clear sight of my full self without getting into full body-hate and “omg! I am sooooooo fattttttt!” mode. To be honest, sometimes at the gym I catch a glimpse of myself and I am horrified. Sigh… Nowadays when this happens, I take some deep breaths and look clearly into the mirror… after a few seconds, I usually can’t remember what the whole hubbub was about. It also helps me to tell myself that I am NOT seeing myself in the mirror. I am seeing some other woman… as soon as I take ME out of the picture, I don’t think the reflection is a problem at all. It’s weird how that works sometimes…
I agree with Karen – I was thinking you were going to talk about positive fat fantasies!!
Not sure but they would have to feature lots of cuddles.
Well… Sharon, you gave me an idea. I think we need a post about positive fat fantasies and positive fat realities. 😀
In the mean time… did you think of any more positive fat visualizations?
My fantasies almost always envolve me being a warrior, ninja..or a super hero…or a mage or witch. I am almost always me…dark haired, curvy, thicker…maybe with less dimples in my thighs but roughly the size that I am. I just got cool super powers.
About a month ago I had a fat fantasie that was positive. I wanted to wear a bikini to vegas this month (june 17th – 20th). I havent worn a bikini in 12 years. not since I was 20 years old (before I got pregnant with my first child). I just thought…I have all these great tattoos that I never get to show off…I wnt to wear a bikini. I dont know where the thought came from. It just hit me.
I asked my girlfriends if they thought I could wear a bikini in vegas and they said they would pay for my hotel room if I strutted my stuff (and my tattoos) in a bikini. I am surround by friends who constantly tell me to stop talking bad about myself. Some of them go so far as to charge me a quarter every time I say something negative about myself…and then make me state two good things about myself. Anyway…the encouraged me, went with me to pick it out.
I couldnt find any bikinis that would support my chest thought…in any store. I was so upset. My husband suggested I go online. I did and found a great top. I ordered it and it arrived yesterday. I tried it on for my husband and he loved it. I am terrified…but…I am gonna do it. I just gotta remember not to look at myself in the windows and critize what I see.
What do you all think? I actually googled “should thick women wear bikinis” when I first had the idea of doing it. The number of sites I found talking about fat women not wearing bathing suites and how disgusting it is was staggering.
This is how I found your site. I was not going to wear the bikini. But I found your site while googling and over the past month I have read your blog and gotten more and more excited about it.
So thank you guys for giving me the courage to do this crazy thing.
Woman! You wear that bikini and revel in it!
The folks that judge people’s bodies like that aren’t worth listening to anyway. If you want to wear a bikini, go for it. The world needs women of all shapes and sizes out there doing their own thing, having fun and living in their bodies (instead of hiding them, feeling ashamed of them and only feeling able to get out there and really live once they’ve lost XYZ pounds). Maybe you’ll be an inspiration for other women to get out there and do the things they are afraid to do for fear their bodies will offend some objectifying jerk!
Random question, am I the only fattie that doesn’t bother expecting a bikini/swimsuit to support? I have a 36K bust, and I’ve always found so called ‘supporting’ bikinis or swimswuits to be uncomfortable.
I do tend to wear sporty swim suits, as my normal place in the water is lengths at the local pool. A normal large size speedo normally keeps my boobs in place.
As for bikinis I just go for things that will cover me where I want, and leave it at that, and enjoy being braless for a while….
You should wear that bikini, GO FOR IT!
I was so frustrated. None of the bathing suits at the mall had under wires. And one sales girl looked at me and said – we dont really sell THOSE sizes..most people dont need underwires these days… I felt awful. Happens to me alot…the “ohhh you might want to try X store” which turns out to be a place my grandmother shops. I am 32 years old. I want to look young and sexy.
I have always worn a sporty one piece since my kids were born. I hate how my boobs look without support. Lets just say after nursing three children…they are a bit deflated. But most sport suits make you look like you have a loaf of bread in your top…smashed flat and not at all attractive.
Victoria Secrets does not carry my size in the store, but I can order a 38DD online…which was great!. They had little inserts that make the top of my boobs look like they havent lost air.
This really is about showing off my tattoos…I cant wait!
I am happy for you that you have ever had boobs that didn’t look deflated. Mine have always looked that way and I have never had any kids. I didn’t luck out genetically in the boob department. 😉
My whole live I have tried to fit myself into a one piece… starting around early junior high, they started becoming very uncomfortable for me. My torso is short, but my legs and even my hips are very long. I have yet to find a one piece (since puberty) that didn’t cause some painful pinching at the bottom of the suit.
A few years ago, I discovered bikinis and especially tankinis. 😀 I love them. My hips can be as wide and as long as whatever and I don’t have to be in pain! Whooo hoooooooooo!!!
Strut those tatts, woman! That sounds like fun. 🙂
I see so many ultra cool “Fat-o-sphere” women with tattoos, I love it! I have 4 myself, one of which is a large backpiece. Of course everyone in my family “disapproves” of them. My mother asking me why I am marking up my body… Because I have hated my body for all of my adult life and now I adorn it for me, it helps me to love my body.
Sorry for going OT, but I would love to know more about fatties with tattoos and what they have and why.
Maybe it’s the ADD, but I love it when new topics spring out of old ones. 😉 Catgal, I like your idea, so… how about tonight or tomorrow morning (depending on how my schedule goes) I will post about fat, body love and tattoos. 😀 I love getting post ideas from commentors. Thank you!
And besides… one of the reason I’ve always been afraid to get a tatt is cuz of my fat… maybe this will help me challenge that thinking… eh?
my tattoos actually helped me come along with my body image.
I found an artist with a larger wife…who likes large women.
I told him I wanted a tattoo the would highlight my curves and shape. Not just canvas, but art that emphasized the canvas. What he did was amazing.
[…] 4, 2009 by angrygrayrainbows Over in the Fat Fantasies thread, some talk on struggling with mirrors came up and I feel it deserves it’s own post, as in my […]