It’s that time again! As usual, random ramblings as well as coherent thought are encouraged. Have at it!
BTW… I got some cacti in the hope my cats wouldn’t eat them, like they eat all other plants. One of my cats went so far as to eat all the flowers and leaves off a rose bush… I had hoped the thorns would be a turn-off… apparently not. Wouldn’t you know it – one of my cats is obsessed with the cacti and keeps trying to eat them. He doesn’t care about thorns, the big weirdo. Sigh… cats are so weird…
–AngryGrayRainbows
Angry Gray Rainbows 
I have had severe binge eating disorder for many years. I cannot seem to break myself out of it. It is a terrible way to live. When I try intuitive eating, it only leads to a binge & when I restrict (obviously) it leads to a binge. I am bone-weary of living like this everyday. Sorry to be a downer, but I was hoping for some guidance, if anyone out there has been through a similiar situation, and come out on top of it. Thanks.
I’ve been there. Do you have any professional help that knows intuitive eating or HAES and can help walk you through it? It is EXTREMELY rare to recover from an eating disorder on your own.
In my case, I had spent so many years restricting that once my body could finally have free access to food, I wanted to eat and eat and eat… and overeat. However, this stage passes. Having a therapist help me that knows how to walk someone through this stuff was crucial. After my body, mind and soul realized it could have whatever it wanted whenever it wanted food lost it’s compulsive sparkle. It became fuel for the body and the overeating became undesireable and pointless.
Another way to look at BED is that you may not be eating enough for your body in the first place. A lot of people simply need more food than they think they do. The diet plans in magazines like Cosmo and Self can be a guide to undereating, yet they are often labeled as healthy and fulfilling diets. If you aren’t getting the food you need, then binging is going to be the natural reaction.
Hey Lisa —
I have totally been there. When I stopped dieting, trying to do intuitive eating right out of the gate simply didn’t work for me. I felt very chaotic and confused around food, even though I was trying to listen to my body and legalize all foods. As you said, it basically led to overeating, and then restricting (though it was never severe enough to be diagnosed as an eating disorder.)
I saw a dietitian who’d been trained in Ellyn Satter’s methods. That is what finally helped me. Basically, it required the use of some “structure” (for lack of a better word) in order for me to eat mindfully, reconnect to my hunger and satiety signals, and work through some of the food neurosis and guilt.
Eventually, after a while, I became an intuitive eater kind of by default.
I think many of us with a tendency toward disordered eating might have issues with leaping into intuitive eating (or “demand feeding” as its previous incarnation was called — basically, just eating what you want when you’re hungry and stopping when full.) I think there might need to be a step in between to help us out.
So that’s what I’m trying to do in my own career, and it’s what some dietitians do, too. You can go to http://www.ellynsatter.com to check out her articles, and perhaps email to find out if there’s a RD in your area trained in her methods (it’s called “treating the dieting casulty” and I’m planning to take the training myself in a few months.)
Good luck. I totally know how frustrating and scary this can be.
I have been considering looking into therapy, I think it would help me a great deal. I currently don’t have any professional help. I gain encouragement from blogs like yours, which show that recovery is possible. I think that I have dieted on so few calories for so many years, that what you’re saying is probably true. I am either starving to within an inch of my life or eating like a madwoman. There are no happy mediums with me. I will have to start investigating therapy. Thanks for getting back to me.
Lisa, I would also suggest reading some other excellent ED-related blogs, like The F-Word and Feed Me, in addition to seeking professional help with your problem.
Basically, the more avenues of support you can find, the more help you’ll have in finding a strategy that works for you.
Best of luck. We’re all rooting for you.
I’m glad to hear you’ve already been considering therapy. Some therapists charge sliding scale rates that can decrease with a client’s ability to pay. It might be something to look for.
Okay, here’s something random: my birthday is a month from today! In 30 days I’ll be 24. It’s wierd to think that I’m practically in my mid-20s. As soon as I got used to the whole idea of being in my 20s, the mid-20s decide to show up!
Charlotte, I hear you. I spent my whole life as a child… then all of a sudden I was something… else. I didn’t start thinking of myself as a woman until my late 20’s. I’m 30 now and sometimes I still call myself a girl. There is still a girl inside me… there always will be. I’m good with that. It’s getting used to the woman in me that has taken some doing.
It helped me that all the older women around me told me that the twenties were painful and when a woman hits 30 and/or 40 that life gets MUCH BETTER. My twenties were super ouchy, so I couldn’t wait for 30. 40, I’m not quite ready for yet… but I’ve got time for that still.
Dieting can definitely lead to that binging behavior, which leads to guilt and shame and more binging. It is a vicious struggle.
It’s important to find an eating disorders specialist and someone who has a positive body perspective.
Good luck to you.
Right on, SW!
My cats are totally confired salad-eaters, too, btw. I used to try to chase them away from my sunflower sproutlings, but now I’ve given up the whole sunflower bed as the “cat salad bar.”
I love sunflower sprouts myself, I don’t blame them.
Ah hah! So I’m not the only one!
This weekend, I’m getting a lot of pet-grass to see if I can lure my cactus eater away from the cacti.
This morning I had to literally drag him away from the cactus that he wants to eat the most… he had his claws dug in and REALLY didn’t want to not eat that cactus. Sigh…
The only other time I saw him this obsessed was when a cheeseburger was near…. and the time he tried to jump through a Hardee’s drive through window, because the smell inside was sooooooo facinating….
Yes, we take this particular cat on road trips. 🙂 He travels well… as long as we keep him away from the drive through windows…
Hi Lisa – I feel for you. I have been in recovery for several years. I am now working with a non-diet therapist. I have seen her for several years. It is going slowly for me but it is going. There is just so much to work through because the culture and often our families, friends and it seems everyone has pressured us to be thin. I internalized all that pressure and that can be hard to undue. I was also bulimic for several years and I believe other components including hormones, hypoglycemia, medication and genetics as well as other “unknowns” need to be explored.
I suggest reading Overcoming Overeating and When Women Stop Hating There Bodies by Hirshman and Munter. They have a web site which may help you find a supportive therapist.