“You wont feel nothin till you feel… You feel the power, just the power of love” — Huey Lewis and the News, “Power of Love.”
Last week, PhD Coachy (my therapist of about two years) gave me a homework assignment. “Reflect on your power,” he said, “write about it, meditate on it, dance about it, find a creative way to express it. Can you do that?”
“Have I ever NOT done my homework?” I asked.
So I kind of saved it for the last minute, tomorrow is my appointment. But as it turned out, I couldn’t go to dance on Sunday, so tonight was the first opportunity to “dance about it.” And I had been thinking about my power a little bit. But as I danced, I started to feel powerful. And I had a thought — it is a little surprising to me that other people, people who don’t know me outside of dance, do seem to want to dance with me. And it occurred to me that one reason for that is that I’m dancing in a way that shows I’m comfortable with my body. And most of the time, while I’m dancing, I am really comfortable with my body. I’m usually grateful for what it can do and how it feels. I’m focused on experimenting with different ways to move my body. And this powerful comfort comes from a place of self-love.
What I’m uncomfortable with isn’t my own body, it’s how other people react to my body. So it was pleasing to shift the center, from what others might be thinking about my body, to my own experience of my body. And I remembered that image of my fat cells being filled with love. I imagined that in the nuclei of my fat cells, the mitochondria operate as powerhouses of love.
Where do you find your power?
My power is in my brain – my unique way of looking at things. My ability to share ideas and concepts with others in an enthusiastic way. I know that my parents or my husband would say that my power is in my artwork (http://audsartblog.blogspot.com). But, artwork is what I can say without words….like filling in the gaps. It is what no words can express.
When I was a little girl, I awed my grandparents with my wisdom, my sensitivity, my attention to detail, and my insight. I might lack razor sharp wit, but I think that I made (and continue to make) bluntness into an art form; exquisite in it’s own right.
Unfortunately, I did learn the art of mental manipulation. Luckily, it got boring to me before I hurt too many people.
Unbelievably, in the last few years, I have learned (through brain power) to alter my moods to better suit my emotional needs. (WOW – that sounds manipulative. Well, at least I’m playing with my brain only )
The power of the human mind still baffles me.
Your artwork is indeed powerful… and I’m in awe of your ability to use your brain to alter your moods. I’m working on this. I don’t think it’s “manipulative” in any bad sense — only in the sense of “playing with to achieve a different outcome.”
I also love sharing ideas and concepts with others in terms of how I see them.
I’m finding at long last the power of my voice. I have a huge, passionate singing voice that I stifled for years and years because of fear that people would laugh at it. As a kid I was always taunted about my singing, and it’s taken literally decades to start seriously getting past it.
A couple weeks ago, Mr. Twistie was holding a practice session for his band and started trying to remember the words to an old song. For the first time ever, I just hopped on over and started singing the song. The bass player had never heard me sing before, even though he’s been in two bands with Mr. Twistie over the course of some four or five years. When I was finished singing, he turned to me and asked me why I don’t have my own band.
I have power in my words. I write well, and can bring people into my world. There is fierce and terrible power in that. I’m not always comfortable with it, but I’m finally willing to acknowledge it.
I have power in the kitchen. This is the power I have taken to the most easily. Feeding people is graceful and quiet, but deeply profound. To break bread with someone, to bake the bread you break, creates a bond. Food presented with love and care says something no words ever can. While I sometimes have trepidation about my words and my voice, I never fear the power of my food.
Both of those are incredibly powerful. I hope you continue to sing, write, feed people — indeed those are powerful things to do. IMHO, you also have this powerful way of inclusiveness.
I love your posts about dancing… they have so much wisdom to offer.
I find power in my intelligence, my intuition and in learning to listen more to others, myself and everything around me….
When you write about listening to yourself, it is extremely powerful!
Sometimes I feel it when I sing. I have a huge, powerful soprano voice, and there are moments during certain songs were I just belt out something and I feel strong.
Other times I feel it when I laugh. I have a really loud laugh, and taking up a lot of space with my voice makes me feel powerful.
Being in seminary has really helped me find my power. At seminary, I’ve been immersing myself in the study of scripture, and learning the ins and outs of being in ministry and being a pastor. I have lots of friends at school who are on a similar path, and there is definitely strength in numbers. I feel powerful when I grasp a complicated concept, or when I finish a really tough paper.
I know what you mean about grasping a complicated spiritual concept. I haven’t done torah study in a while, but when I have, and I comprehend something that makes me feel connected to some universal truth-y thing, that feels incredibly powerful.
I wish I could hear you sing — and laugh!
My power is in my muscles. I’m a body builder.
Lifting weight is such a powerful thing — and seeing the muscles respond to training. I miss weight training, and hope to get back to it soon.
More power to you!
And I remembered that image of my fat cells being filled with love. I imagined that in the nuclei of my fat cells, the mitochondria operate as powerhouses of love.
Dude, I just got a shot of power from THAT.
Thanks for appreciating my fat magic realism.
I envy you for being so comfortable with your body. I have always been unhappy with my body because I’m clumsy. I knock things over when I’m trying to touch other things and I fall easily. I wish I could feel more in control somehow.
I enjoy singing very much, and writing is the only thing in my life I never had to learn from anyone else. My editor is crazy about my manuscript. But I don’t feel powerful there.
I’m still looking to others to provide me with compliments and admiration. I still have to learn to be happy with just me.
Nathree, if you are interested, there are some thing that people find help with being more connected to the body. A beginning yoga class is one — if you can ask around and find a really gentle instructor, and let her/him know what your goal are (such as becoming more connected to your body) yoga can really help with that.
I definitely have felt clumsy and not happy with my body but it’s been a long process (I’m 40). Yoga was an essential part of that process for me. Swimming was another (even though I can only do one stroke). Weight training (using the machines mostly but also some free weights at times — I took two college courses — the same class twice). I tend to do these things consecutively, not simultaneously. It’s only been in the last year that I’ve found opportunities to dance freely, and I think it does translate into more confidence in movement off of the dance floor.
Is power the ability to influence others? If so, then how would we know if not from compliments and admiration? I have a hard time taking in compliments from others (that’s another post) so there is power in being able to keep that channel open, and receive what others are sending.
thanks. I guess you’re right. Though I have some trouble communicating with myself, I hardly ever have trouble communicating with others. That is power too, I guess.
Nathreee,
I so hear you! I have a question for you that sometimes has helped me with this particular problem…
If you had a friend in your exact same shoes… the way you look, how you are, etc… would you be so hard on her?
Double standards are my old friends, I know.
Thank you for paying so much attention to me. I should be more proud of myself.
I’m off on holiday for a week. See you again later.