Nope, I’m still not religious. 😉 I do like to take what I find useful from whatever paths I run across. However, I will admit that I have found Buddhism particularly useful in my learning to become more accepting of self (and fat), recovering from eating disorders and recovering from years of abuse. Recently, I have had some useful breakthroughs in the use and application of some Buddhist ideas that have been particularly helpful. It makes me laugh to have found comfort in the idea of non-existence of self… yeah, those Buddhists sure know how to name something so that no one would ever want to attain it or understand it. Heh. But, it’s turned out to be a really lovely thing… I am still surprised over the whole thing…
I cannot remember where I read a description of this idea that finally took root in me. Maybe it was on a website or one of the many books I have around that touch on Buddhism and similar ideas. The image is of an ocean and we are the waves. We just manifest from the universe (so to speak), our genetics, our history, our environment, etc. From this perspective, the self that we blame ourselves for and hate ourselves for is just something that manifested… like a wave on the ocean… in other words, it is not something to beat myself up about. The thought that someone might make fun of me for my body becomes laughable. Making fun of my hyperness becomes absurd. Shame over my sensitivity makes no sense at all… I just am what I am.
Ironically, I find that I struggle a lot less with hyperness (ADD), accepting my body or my depression/PTSD when I think of myself as a wave on the ocean, as opposed to some dirty rotten thing that needs to be punished and shamed for its inferiority (yes, I said “thing” and “its”… when the mean parts of my brain wake up, I can dehumanize myself quite thoroughly… sad, I know…). I’m starting to understand what Buddhists mean when the they talk about the root of some seriously painful problems being an attachment to self – ego.
I also find that it is FAR EASIER to live in the moment when seeing myself from the POV of the “wave”… I’m not worried about the past and how my past mistakes or present imperfections might screw things up. I’m just here. A wave… rolling on the ocean. Foggetabout shame, guilt and blame… it is so pointless.
I hope that some of my ramblings in this post make sense to at least some of ya’all. I know all too well how confusing Buddhist ideas can be… and I know that I am no expert in explaining them, especially when my breakthroughs in the basics are still so new to me. 😉 I’m putting this out there in case it can be of some use to someone out there… and maybe through the process, I’ll learn to communicate all this more clearly.
Comments?
–AngryGrayRainbows
Angry Gray Rainbows 
dear agr,
this was so super helpful to me today. thank you very very much.
i have had the MOST modest of buddhist practices for 20 years. don’t go to temple, don’t chant. just study the moment and work on kindness and try to illuminate my thoughts. ohhhh, yes, that i and my thoughts are part of the wave, just another wave, that i am a tiny drop of water in a big ocean. . . .and the other water drops, also, have thoughts and hurts and depression but also love and glory and good things. thank you for this thought. i will keep it.
hugs,
kcd
Thank you for this post. I think the wave is a lovely, helpful image. Today it’s been hard to “ride” but when I read this earlier it reminded me that the type of dance I do is called a “wave” — and it is wonderful when I’m on the crest of it and allow myself to roll into the shore.
Coming in late in this one but today it just resonates. Haven’t studied much Buddhist philosophy but I think I get it enough to follow along at times and the ‘Wave on the Ocean’ concept? Well, my personal mantra during trying times is ‘It’s a Remarkable Day in the Universe.’ It serves to remind me that, on a Universal scale of time and place, none of this even registers, much less matters. Possibly a little more cynical or defeatist when looked at in a certain light, however I try to view it as experiencing a thunderstorm in big sky country like Arizona or New Mex. I got mine in the Bad Lands near the South Dakota Black Hills. Let me tell you, there is nothing like being a concrete canyon city boy, stuck in the middle of a raging Bad Lands thunder boomer to let you know how insignificant you and your problems really are. I’ve heard echos of it from people seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time or astronaut descriptions of earth from high orbit. Sometimes it’s good to remember; no matter how big and out-of-control something seems to be, the Universe holds things FAR bigger, MUCH more powerful, and infinitely more significant. A wave on the ocean for one example.
I’m glad my post resonated! I don’t think your POV is defeatist at all. I, personally, find it a huge relief to not matter all that much. I was raised on the idea that any little thing that I did could cause the end of the world or something. I was raised to dissect and micro-manage my every breath (literally) among other things… and what a beautiful relief to realize that all that all that sadistic behavior wasn’t needed afterall. 😀
I think it will be tomorrow that I post something new with a Buddhist twist. I realized something else… apparently, I’m on a Buddhist roll at the moment.