Small Things & Great Love
August 5, 2009 by angrygrayrainbows
I recently got a little book about Mother Theresa and found a quote that has become very important to me:
We can do no great things, only small things with great love.
Here, I think Mother Theresa was talking about how to make the world a more loving place or how to change it for the better… as sometimes it seems to be a struggle for me to get through a day (thank you depression and PTSD), I’ve been applying this to my own little world and wow… it’s a relief. For example, I often get overwhelmed by the idea of cleaning up our whole apartment. It is pretty big, plus we have a lot of stuff and four cats. But, just focusing on a small thing that I can do with great love has been such a relief. I don’t find cleaning up so overwhelming. Afterwards I feel far more satisfied by what I’ve done, instead of drained and wondering why I didn’t do more.
Coming from my history of eating disorders, sometimes Intuitive Eating and/or HAES can seem so complex and impossible. I call myself recovered from eating disorders nowadays, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have my rough spots. I’m finding that this idea of small acts of great love can be EXTREMELY helpful in the application of IE and HAES ides. A meal can become a small act of great love. Cooking or a walk around the park can too. The idea of eating a meal mindfully or getting up and moving joyfully no longer feel like the big scary tasks that they can seem like at times.
Joyful movement is one of my biggest struggles at the moment, actually. I have a long and disturbing history of over-exercise. I’ve spent the last several years just trying to learn what an active live can be like without turning it all into some perfectionistic torture project that doesn’t respect my needs or limits. I’ve tried so many things to try to help myself let go of the unhelpful ways of thinking of exercise, but I have never found anything to helpful as this small acts with great love thing. The whole “exercise program” that I may want to implement no longer matters. Getting super-competitive with myself no longer matters. Doing everything perfectly doesn’t matter. What matters is holding onto the love aspect of joyful movement… and when I start having a hard time holding onto the love or it starts feel unloving, I know when to stop quite clearly. And guess what… I still get good exercise without stumbling all over my own hang-ups in thinking about exercise. It feels good… and, more importantly, it feels safe.
For folks who don’t have an eating disordered history, the ideal of exercise feeling “safe” might seem weird. However, after decades of abusing my body to the point that I couldn’t think myself out of a paper bag, feeling safe enough to trust myself not to hurt myself with exercise or food or anything else is EXTREMELY important.
But, beyond eating disorders, I have a feeling that this idea of small acts of great love could be helpful to all sorts of people in all sorts of ways…
Here is another beautiful quote from Mother Theresa that I found today:
Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.
To me, this idea is counterintuitive and revolutionary. I can be so impatient – expecting myself to be an expert in something before I’ve even started… expecting to be a great success at riding my bike, before I’ve even ridden it and fallen off it a few times. This quote reminds me that my strength isn’t lying in being a “born expert.” My strength lies in the little things… and the love I can put into them. Yeah, there have been a lot of things in life that I hardly had to work at to do really well in, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to learn quickly in all things… and that is okay. The little things – the small building blocks and taking time and making mistakes and learning slowly – is important as well… actually, more important than the things I learned so quickly, because most things aren’t that easy to learn (for me anyway) and it’s not fair to expect myself to be a quick learner at everything.
One of the funniest things this idea has helped with is my occassional over-consumption of diet soda. 😀 I’ve long tried to stop drinking whenever it no longer felt good to my body… but frankly, even after eight years of work, I still feel pretty disconnected from my body, especially when my depression and/or PTSD are acting up. Sometimes focusing on when my body wants to stop feels like a dead-end, because sometimes I just have no idea what it wants. But, I have found that asking myself if drinking the soda still feels loving to be more effective, because I CAN detect this even when I’m feeling disconnected from my body. I’m not sure why this would work, when keeping track of how my body felt didn’t work… but it does… and I’m very happy that it does.
Circling back to Mother Theresa’s original application – charity – I find these words very helpful as well. Sometimes it feels like a blog post doesn’t matter… or that playing with shelter animals doesn’t matter… or that taking one of my rescued cats out of a walk doesn’t matter because these things are so small. These quotes remind me that they do matter… prolly a lot more than I know. I remember that it probably isn’t realistic to expect that I will save all homeless people and pets… but I start to feel hope that what small things I can offer DO MATTER… and that feels pretty sweet.
Thoughts? Questions? Comments?
–AngryGrayRainbows
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Angry Gray Rainbows 
This is a lovely post — the things we do, and what our intention is, does matter.
Not the least of all to us.
When I’m doing well, I really feel connected to the idea that what I do is infused with great love, but when I’m not, it’s much harder to connect to that idea.
I also tend towards impatience.
Here’s something that reminds me of you:
I always thought I was terrible with houseplants. I generally couldn’t keep them alive.
I received a plant as a present about a year and a half ago. A year ago, when I got a new job, I picked up my plant to transport it on the hottest day of the year and practically killed the beautiful thing.
I thought I was just proving again that I was a plant killer.
But I thought, well, let me try to nurture this plant. And now it’s doing really well (except it has some weird crystal-type stuff seeping off of it — that tastes sweet. I’ve looked and not noticed any aphids or other bugs). It’s regrown many leaves and more and more are coming all the time.
So, maybe I’m not so bad with plants after all.
If only I could figure out what the sticky sweet crystals are…
WRT2, you are awesome. Your replies seem to intensify the processing I do when I write posts… and that is a very good thing!
Regarding the plant… do you know what kind it is? It’s funny that you mention houseplants, because I have a green thumb for house plants. 😉 I suspect that that crystal stuff is some kinda sap and that your plant is happy.
I love that you went through the disappointment of nearly killing that plant, but you chose to nuture it and give it your all anyway. That takes a lof of courage and patience.
I went through this period of my life where I killed just about every plant I bought. I was just going into my first big depression and I was somewhere in my teen years. Previous to my first big depression, plants thrived under my care. One of the hardest things I ever did was nearly kill a little cactus and then give myself another change to nurture it. I don’t know if that poor cactus will ever look like the healthiest plant… but I’m glad that it’s doing much better now and it seems happy with it’s new catus food and bigger pot. I used to see the old wounds on my cactus as some old shame… but I got to the point where I no longer judge it. I’m proud of myself that I was able to get over the judging… but most of the time, I don’t even think anything of it and just try to take good care of my cactus…
Sometimes what is a small act of consideration to you is a huge act of kindness.
When I was thirteen, a girl at school tried to choke me with my own scarf during a recess. It was a terrifying experience. As soon as the attack was over, I went straight to the teacher who was supposed to be monitoring the quad and reported the incident. I was already on the verge of hysteria, but I guess she decided that since I was able to get to her under my own power (or maybe because I ‘asked’ for the attack by wearing a scarf in the first place) clearly the incident was of no consequence. She did nothing at all.
So…I was violently attacked at a time when I was minding my own business, the attacker got away without so much as a reminder that it’s not nice to try to choke people, and the person who was supposed to be keeping me safe couldn’t figure out what the big deal was when someone had cut off my ability to breathe with malice aforethought. Goodbye verge of hysteria, hello real thing.
A friend was trying to comfort me. She wasn’t the best at dealing with strong emotions, and was utterly powerless to do me any practical good, so we both thought. Then she did a little thing; she offered me her Coke.
I don’t even like colas, I never have. But she offered me kindness in a moment when I needed it more than I could ever have said. Taking that drink was taking her love. To this day, I have never tasted anything as good.
So the next time you think what you have to offer is too little, I hope you’ll remember that your kindness is no small thing. When you play with those kittens, you’re giving them your heart. When you smile walking down the street, you never know who of the people you’re passing may need that simple act of grace.
Sometimes the tiny gestures we make are vital to another.
Small things done with love can be the things that move mountains.
Twistie,
I was worried that this post wouldn’t connect to a lot of people…
Instead, I get this lovely comment from you that makes me a little teary. What a beautiful story, Twistie. Thank you so much for sharing it.
Whether this post reaches a lot of folks or not… I no longer care, just because of the lovely conversation that is going on here, even if only a few people ever participate. What is going on is too lovely to judge by the number of commentors. Thank you for reminding me of that and telling such a lovely story about your friend… wow… just beautiful… thank you, thank you, thank you…
Hey… if you don’t mind, maybe we cuold make your comment a post of it’s own…? What do you say? I think it deserves it’s own post. Would you mind?
Be my guest. In fact, I would be honored.
Gorgeous, Twistie.
It’s so good to remember that when you feel at a loss to help, whatever you have to offer is so much better than turning away due to feelings of inadequacy.
“the next time you think what you have to offer is too little, I hope you’ll remember that your kindness is no small thing.”
May I add this to my list of sayings on my cubicle wall at work?
You’re nobody until you’re somebody on somebody’s cubicle wall. Go right ahead!
For me, pain has always been the great equalizer. Since I hurt my back more than a month ago, I really can’t do much – so I am acutely aware of how those little things that I CAN do increase in value.
I do get angry sometimes. I can’t really direct my anger anywhere other than my body. Not because my body isn’t perfect and thin, but because it seems to me like I am falling apart at 25. I remember discovering, when I was 22, that I was afraid of going to the grocery store alone. What if I needed something on the bottom shelf? I was scared that I would bend over and my knee would buckle, giving me a one-way ticket to the floor, butt-first. That wasn’t the worst part – having to be helped up from the floor was abhorrent to me. I should be able to take care of myself – I am a young woman.
I have learned since then that it is not bad to ask for help, especially when I need it. Being embarrassed is nothing to be afraid of.
Because of my injury, I have not found work that can accommodate my “handicaps”. This fact makes the things that I do accomplish at home that much more important.
I have learned a lot from my grandparents. My dad’s parents are Illinois farmers and my mother’s were small business people, in a neighboring town.
The message I got was this:
There is pride in doing a menial task – ANY task – as long as you do it well. If you don’t intend to give it your best, then you have no business doing it.
Wow! This post is getting awesome, thought-provoking comments!!
Aud, taking pride in work or tasks has been struggle of mine. I once read a post on a board by a person who didn’t understand how some people didn’t take pride in any task from the complex to tasks that are very simple. Ever since I read that post, I’ve been wondering how some people are so talented at taking pride in their tasks…and yes, I do consider it a talent or even a gift… cuz I have tried manual labor… I have worked in very cerebral jobs… it never mattered… pride never entered into it. I pretty much loathed whatever it was that I had to do, even if it was something that I had enjoyed before it turned into my employment. It was like the obligation ruined all pride or enjoyment for me…
But, Aud… you have given me some amazing perspective. I realize that I have been taking my talents for granted. The fact that I am even able to do complex math or even sweep the floor is amazing – thank you for reminding me of that. I’ve been taking even my ability to wash the dishes for granted. The weird thing is that I like washing like other people’s dishes at their houses, cuz I don’t HAVE to… because it is something I’m not obligated to do and because it is just something nice that I can choose to do. Then, I get home and hate washing my own dishes, because I feel forced and obligated. However, if I think of being able to even wash dishes as a gift… then the whole task of washing my own dishes becomes a more enjoyable thing and less of a torture task that I feel trapped into. 😉
I’ve been injured as well so that basic things became very difficult. I also spent all of my childhood until my teen years taking care of my grandparents and loving it (it only ended when they died… or I’d still be doing it… I loved being there for them)… and remembering them I realize that I may not always be able to wash the dishes or sweet the floor. I might as well enjoy what I have while I have it and not take it for granted!!
Thank you so much, Aud, for your comment. I am extremely grateful.
Maybe this line of thinking could use it’s own post as well… it is definitely something that I would like to process and chew on further.
Aud, would you mind if I quoted you in a future post, if I wrote about the realization you helped bring about? 🙂
[…] Twistie posted a beautiful comment in response to my Small Things & Great Love post that I think deserves it’s own post: Sometimes what is a small act of consideration to […]
Sure, AGR, you can quote me in a future post, if you wish. My grandparents would be proud 🙂