After a month off Prozac, the depression came back. Prozac started to cause more problems than it was worth… like wanting to sleep constantly, while that sleep became lighter and lighter so that I couldn’t sleep if someone was breathing in the next room.
The doc put me on Zoloft… my fifth med in five years. I wish I could find something that I could stick with… ya know… that didn’t cause side-effects horrible enough that I’d actually WANT to try another med and go through the whole med change process that isn’t fun or pretty. It’s not like changing from asprin to ibuprophen. There is usually withdrawal for weeks and then weeks of sickness getting on a new med.
I see so often these articles about how effective medication is for depression. It makes me feel like a freak. Sure, meds are effective… for a few months, before the really horrible side-effects start and I get so burned out I get off all meds until the depression is bad enough that I try meds again and the cycle continues… Will I ever find a med that I can tolerate for more than six months???? This rollercoaster sucks.
Many anti-depressants give me horrible throat cramps that can get so bad that it travels over my face so that my whole head feels like it’s in a vice. I had some symptoms of that last night. Let’s see how long I tolerate the face vice this time before no longer being able to force myself to swallow the pills. Or, maybe I’ll be lucky and this med will have some staying power in my life… but my gut feeling is that I’m headed right into face vice land. Sadly, my gut is usually right about these things.
This time my depression manifested as a short-fuse and lots of irritability. Normally my depression manifests as lots of crying and sadness, but I think the ritalin I take for my ADHD changed things up a bit. It’s nice to know that my bitchiness is prolly on its way out the door, but I’m really really really really really hoping the side-effects will be tolerable this time…
My pdoc also wants me checked for anemia. I’ve had it before and I didn’t realize how I have almost every single symptom of anemia, because it crept up so slowly on me this time… well, that is, if I really am anemic again. It wouldn’t surprise me if I am. I’m vegetarian and over the last few years I completely forgot to make sure I get enough iron. Iron rich foods haven’t had much of a place in my diet of late. Hopefully, I’ll be able to get the blood test for anemia soon (no insurance, so I’ll be calling around for prices) and get an answer. Wish me luck. I find myself actually hoping for anemia, because it would explain a lot and the last time I was treated for it, it really helped.
Off to fold laundry…
–AngryGrayRainbows
Angry Gray Rainbows 
Many hugs, if that helps. I am a victim of the soul-sucking black goo myself. It took many years to figure out what was wrong and many more to find medication that works for me. It means high blood pressure, diminished sexual drive and probably yet more fat, but I no longer look for opportunities to kill myself in ways that will make it look like an accident.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed as unresponsive to medical treatment, and she is living on disability payments rather than working. If you can’t increase the resistance to stress, you might be able to decrease the stress. This is one of many areas where squeaky wheels get the most grease, so if you or someone close to you can loudly and annoyingly demand services and accommodations, you’re more likely to get them.
Really, really wishing the best for you. And stick with the bitchiness. It’s better than dispair any day!
I’ve been put on several antidepressants over the years, and only one thing has worked: being on a birth-control regimen which eliminates my period (Lybrel). The hormonal balance changed EVERYTHING. If you’re not interested in getting pregnant right now, I would suggest you look into it. It has changed my life completely.
AGR-
I just wanted to give you a mental squeeze because I know what you’re going through. My doc just changed my meds for bipolar disorder. It sucks, and it will probably happen a lot more in your lifetime, but don’t let it get you down.
*SQUZ*
Yeah, I was on an antidepressant in the military, and it gave me oodles of side effects. The most pronounced one was that my libido completely went down the toilet. Honestly…if I wasn’t depressed before I took the antidepressants, I sure as hell was once my sex drive took a nosedive!
I tried Prozac, and that worked pretty good for me…I even had a more pronounced sex drive than usual on Prozac. Doctor thought that weird, but oh well.
My A&P teacher used to say that we are all a variation on a theme (the theme being human). Everyone is going to be different. No two people metabolize a drug the same way, so there are bound to be side effects. There is no panacea.
I have since stopped taking psych meds. The best thing that psych meds can do for Borderline Personality Disorder is help to soften the “lows” and the frequent bouts of depression (not get rid of them). I feel that I have done well over the past year without the aid of meds, so I am going to continue on the way I have been going.
I really hope that you can find a medication that works for you. It may be a long road, but hang in there. Your body will tell you what works for you, and it could be a while before you find the right thing.
I thought I had depression for years, and it turned out to be anemia–I’m not saying this is you, but if you are anemic, it could definitely be making depression worse. If I were you, I wouldn’t wait for the test. If you think you might be anemic it wouldn’t hurt to take iron (some people can build up too much, but not usually women and not usually someone with a history of anemia).
I, myself, found that I could take enough iron pills to eat a hole in my stomach and still be anemic (because so little of it is absorbed). I had MUCH better luck with a liquid supplement called “Floradix” (it’s vegetarian and there’s a vegan version too, without yeast). It tastes kind of like sucking on a flowery nail, and it’s a bit pricey, but, at least for me, it really, REALLY works. Changed my life. You can get it at any hippy-type store.
I hope something works for you soon. Best wishes.
I have been through this for many year as well. I have currently been on Zoloft for 3 years and am doing really well with a minimum of side effects. Mind you, I had tried Zoloft about 8 years prior and couldn’t take it as it made me so anxious and paranoid. Hang in there hon.
I call Zoloft my “security blanket”. When nothing else works or the world is just too crazy, Zoloft has always worked enough to get me through the bad times. Right now I’m on the generic form of Effexor. I have to take it 2x a day but at $5/month vs. $100/3 months for the XR version, and the fact that my anti-anxiety meds are 2x/day, I’ll take that inconvenience.
I’m heading to the pdoc today myself. I’ve been noticing my depression getting worse. My psychologist noticed it a few months ago, but I sort of ignored her. Finally when I realized that I was thinking more and more about how nice it would be to die in an accident, I realized that it was time to get my fluffy white @ss in to see the pdoc.
I don’t know how you feel about new age hoohaa (see what my opinion of it is), but my psychologist had been on this mindfullness kick. I mostly ignored her there. I had read part of a mindfullness book on anxiety (not my biggest problem) and it just didn’t mean anything to me. A few months later she recommended a book called The Mindful Way through Depression (or something like that). I started reading it. It was like this big loud bell went off in my head “I GET IT!” I don’t continously practice mindfullness like I should, but it does help when I’m in one of those cycles of hatefullness and depression. “This too shall pass” and “These are only floating thoughts and they will float away like all the other thoughts.” Take it for what you will, but it has been an added help through all the craziness in my life. I need to spend more time reading it and reading HAES, but right now I’m doing good to go to work and class, so I’m giving myself a break on the reading part.
Good luck with the new meds, I hope that things work out for you.
Don’t give up trying the meds. Zoloft was the first one that properly worked for me after approximately 10 years of trying different meds.
Anxiety disorder plus bipolar depression = doom. They others worked for one thing and not the others – the good news is the only side effect I had was weight-gain. Switched to Citalopram when I realised that the weight-gain wasn’t levelling out any and that seemed to work too. Currently I’m not taking anything, but have a nice full box of citalopram if/when the black clouds come back.
Good luck 🙂
BB
x
It is a relief to hear that Zoloft has worked really well for some folks. Sure, it might not be a great fit for me, but it’s nice to hear some positivity from others… it helps me feel better about the whole “finding the right med” process.
So far, Zoloft has worked pretty darn well. It hasn’t made me super-tired. It hasn’t screwed up my sleep. It hasn’t given me a huge appetite and it hasn’t killed my appetite. Normal eating is effortless. And, so far, no face vice. I have been getting some pretty nasty headaches though, but I’m chalking that up to getting used to new brain chemistry. Hopefully it will go away soon…
Cyn, I find that birthcontrol really helps me as well. My hormonal cycle can really give me some psychological hell. The longer I’m off birth control pills the worse my PMDD too. As me and hubby may start a family as early as next year… we’re still trying to feel out our timeline, I’d rather not get on something that completely stops my period… but once giving birth is no longer on the horizon, I would LOVE to go on something that totally takes away my period. The few days before my period are absolute hell… and then two weeks before my period I have a lil burst of crazy too. It’s such a pain… meh…
Don’t give up, there may be a med that will work. Myself, I’ve weaned myself off Effexor XR (a long and painful process) recently and I’m using 5-HTP instead. Do some googling on that, and see if it might be something you want to do. So far so good for me. I’m really enjoying NOT wanting to sleep constantly.
Thanks for the info very informative and helpful.