I got an emergency call over the weekend that my stepdad was dying and I needed to drive 400 miles to be with him… I haven’t even had time to tell my co-bloggers where I disappeared to. I will be back blogging when I get home and things calm down…
–AngryGrayRainbows
Angry Gray Rainbows 
Dayum, Girl!!
Jeez, I hope all is well with you.
You and Family are definitely in my thoughts and prayers!
All the best with this, both the grief and dealing with your family. We’re thinking about you here.
I am thinking of you and wishing you the best. Try to take good care of yourself.
You’re in my thoughts.
You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers. Take your time, we’ll be here when you get back. 🙂
Oh, AGR, I wish for you and your stepfather peace and acceptance. I am mentally trying to surround you with a force field of love and warmth and grace. May you find comfort at this time. With tons and tons of love, WRT2.
Thank you, friends… thank you so much.
I drove home last night. My uncle is with my mom. Against the odds, stepdad is still alive, but dying. When he was still able to answer questions he told us that he didn’t want any surgery or anything since his chances for survival even with treatment was super crappy. He just wanted to “rest”… so we have opted for comfort care only. Morphine and ativan. That’s about it. Over the last several days he has had episodes of combativeness and paranoia. He thought me and my mom were trying to kill him and that he wasn’t really in a hospital… he thought we were keeping him captive somewhere so we could steal his money. He spent an hour screaming until four nurses sat on him and were finally able to inject him with a sedative. It was horrible. Since then the medical team is just trying to keep him knocked out, because when he starts waking up the paranoia starts again. It’s sad, but I hear that the dying often behave like this.
When stepdad is discharged, he will be moved into a nursing home where a family friend is a manager. As my mother would be his only caretaker, home hospice is unrealistic.
I’ve been preparing myself mentally and emotionally for a couple years for stepdad to die. He’s been in an obvious decline for sometime… both physically and mentally. The hardest bit for me is the clingyness of my mother. We don’t get along. She triggers me to the point that if she touches me my first thought is to want to scrape off any skin she may have “dirtied.” She was subtley sexually abusive my whole life. I can’t stand her.
Thankfully, some people in my family have stepped up. My uncle who no one has talked to in years showed up and he’s been a huge help. My aunt and cousin have been talking to my mom on the phone a lot, which helps. My mother also has a cousin who will prolly be more than willing to come down and keep her company. Anyone who can keep her busy and out of my hair is welcome… sigh.
It was interesting that my mother treated me fine until my uncle got there… and then she started attacking my every thought and move as if I was an idiot. She is so fickle. My uncle actually stood up for me and said that I was very smart and doing the right things. That shut her up… But it was a really icky rehash of her old behavior… that behavior of attacking me in an attempt to bond with others or show others that she thinks they are superior to me… I’m 31 years old and she is doing the same shit she did to me when I was 10. It is sickening.
It is sad that drama with my mother is overshadowing what is really going on… my dad is dying…
I really have no words of comfort but know that I’m thinking of you constantly. You’re ALWAYS in my thoughts and I’m forever sending good vibes your way.
Much love and peace being sent your way.
~sas
I am glad you have gotten through things relatively in tact.