Reflections, not Resolutions

I don’t put stock in resolutions. How change happens, for me at least, doesn’t start with some grand pronouncement. It’s more the kind of change where something happens out of my control and I need to adapt to it, or something has worn out or broken and I realize I would rather not replace it (even if I mourn its loss). It is slow change, fought change, and usually not deliberate. It requires reflection, so that’s what I’m doing, rather than making any resolutions.

When faced with the reflection about my health and its intersection with my weight earlier this year (after a miscarriage and the realization that I probably wasn’t going to be getting pregnant again) I reacted the way I usually do, stubbornly digging in. Then, I started to think about that stubbornness as not as useful, and started to think about things a bit differently. One thought I kept coming back to comes from Dr. Yoni Freedhof, a “bariatric doctor” of all things, who states on his blog, in essence that, the healthiest lifestyle you can enjoy is the one that you will lead you to your “ideal weight.” Emphasis on YOUR, not “ideal weight.” And emphasis on ENJOY. So, for those of you out there who are self-accepting but still uncomfortable with weight, here is my advice, worth precisely what you are paying for it:

Look at your life, and the things you might be willing to let go of THAT WOULD BE BENEFICIAL IN AND OF THEMSELVES that might also lead to changes in weight or size or fitness or eating habits you would like to change, and go ahead and test those out. If something wouldn’t in and of itself have benefits aside from maybe losing a little weight, or might be harmful, for goodness sake, don’t do it!

Will these changes lead to guaranteed weight loss? No. But will they lead to changes you can decide to keep or not that are YOURS.

(some examples include cutting back on tv watching or other screentime, taking up some fun movement you’ve wanted to try, or testing out some yummy veggie recipies, or buying fruit you usually regard as too spendy.)

One of the things I’ve realized is that many of the changes I would like to make, I can’t. Because of time, or expense, or just my basic constitution. But that’s okay. That’s partly why it’s so ridiculously unfair that thinness is valued over fatness. While I’ve gotten a bit smaller, I still appreciate what’s still quite fat about me. I have some confidence that if I regain whatever I’ve lost, it will be with at worst resignation (and an appreciation that this is the normal course of things) and at best appreciation of what I’ve regained or reinstated (or a fluctuation between the two) — and knowledge that beauty resides in bodies of all sizes, including mine.