Walking the Talk

 

….literally…

My left leg has some mysterious issues.  My mother claims this is an injury my bio-dad gave me in a drug-induced fit.  As my mother is prone to makeing dramatic stories up, this may or may not be the truth.  Who knows.  What I do know is that my pediatricians wanted me in a leg brace for my left leg.  My mother compromised on in-steps for my shoes.  The main symptoms of my left leg’s issue is pain that usually feels like a very bad “head ache” in the groin or from the groin down to my knee.  That and my left foot was visibily turned out further away from my body than my right foot was or anyone else’s left foot was. 

In my early twenties, image was everything to me.  I learned to turn my left leg inwards, so that it felt like I was walking only with that one leg as pigeon-toed.  I worked hard to make myself walk the way I saw women on TV walk – with my toes pointed straight ahead.  This caused a plethora of problems like inefficient walking, back pain, knee pain and who knows what else. 

I’ve been quiet lately.  I have a habit of blogging the big “ah hah” moments and realizations that cause a big emotional reaction for me.  Lately, I’ve been pretty steady, which has made for some interesting writers block.  What I have experienced are many smaller realizations that aren’t so dramatic… at least not to me.  Realizing this, I started to pick my brain for the smaller “ah hah’s,” so I could give blogging about those a shot.  And so…

A couple of weeks ago on a walk, I was trying to walk more intuitively and less in the contrived form I made up years ago when I was trying to conform to fashion ideals.  I realized that I walk far more comfortably and naturally if I let my toes on both feet angle outwards a bit.  My first thought was that allowing my toes to point out like that was something to be embarrased of… something that was not feminine or lady-like.  I got over that.  Body acceptance isn’t limited to acceptance of fat or one’s natural weight.  For me, it is acceptance of the way my body wants to walk… with my toes slightly turned outward and my left toes turned slightly out more than my right toes. 

It’s funny to me that I once made such a big deal out of the way I walked and worked so hard to “perfect” it.  Walking with my toes pointed slightly outward is just so natural that it feels ridiculous that anyone would judge me over it.  There are people in the world who will judge others for pretty much anything.  Their ways of thinking aren’t my concern.  😉

The realization about the way I naturally walk has opened the door to other small realizations… like realizing that body acceptance is going to include accepting the way I talk instead of worrying endlessly about my deep voice (at least, I’ve always thought it was deep for a female) or my love of jeans and trackpants or height.  While I have worked on self-acceptance for years, I am experiencing a renewal and fine-tuning of the lessons already learned and it feels good.  Not to mention the reduction in back pain. 

–AngryGrayRainbows