A few words come to my mind when you start talking about the holidays.
stress, loneliness, dysfunction, depression, travel, anxiety, hustle and bustle
The holidays for me are hard because I no longer have either parent around to celebrate with. Both have died and been gone quite a while but it still hurts. I have a sister but she doesn’t try to even meet me to celebrate the holidays. I’ve asked her and her husband to come to our house for Christmas or Thanksgiving and she always has other plans. I offered to meet her halfway on a different day just to get together and enjoy each other and she just can’t find time for me.
We always spend the holidays with my hubby’s parents. He’s an only child and his parents are getting up in years. I love them but there is a whole heap of dysfunction in that little family. We’ll spend the whole time on eggshells trying not to upset his mother who is very opinionated and we’ll be yelling at his father all the time because he refuses to get a hearing aid.
On the other hand, there are some other words that come to mind when I think of the “holidays”:
holiday movies, holiday music, beautiful decorations, gifts, great food, great drink, friends, parties, party clothes, laughter, shopping, time off work, snow (sometimes), cold weather, tree lightings, festivities all around town, hubby loves the holidays, holiday plays and shows
Hmmmm….maybe it is worth it.
~sas
Angry Gray Rainbows 
My parents are both long gone, too. My brothers are scattered over the country, and the only one close enough to me to spend the holidays with… is the only one I won’t spend my holidays with because he spends his time determined to drag me down to join him in his own personal sinkhole, mostly by belittling me and informing me that I know nothing about anything at all. I won’t take that kind of abuse anymore. Until he decides to treat me like a human being, he isn’t allowed in my house again, let alone at my table.
My solution is that I don’t spend the holidays with blood relatives. I spend them with the people my heart has chosen as family. This year we’ll spend Thanksgiving with some good friends, and are divvying up the cooking between the two households. They’ll come to our place for Christmas.
Of course, that’s easier to do with both me and Mr. Twistie being orphans. At least we’re safe from the Pirates of Penzance.
Best of luck getting though what sounds like it could be a rough day. And remember, we’ll be here when you get back, whether you need someone to pat you on the back for a job well done or if you need a shoulder to cry on.
Thanks Twistie! I enjoyed reading your response.
I am not fan of the Hellidays let me tell you so me and BF have booked a week in Punta Cana, Xmas day will see me on white sand, mojito in hand and there better not be a cheeky tourist dressed in santa beard and hawaiian t shirt
Jenna~
I’m thinking I need to go with you and BF this Christmas. What time are we leaving? tee hee
an UPDATE to our dysfunction:
Each Thanksgiving, hubby’s dad and his sisters and brothers take turns hosting the family reunion. Depending on which sibling is hosting, we drive either 3 hours, 7 hours or almost 8 hours. This year it’s the 7 hour trip. Any time we’ve gone to this particular part of the state, it’s not really that big a deal because one family has a nice 2 bedroom 2 bath trailer set up in the woods. They let me, hubby and his parents stay there during our stay…they even allow us to bring our 70 lb. yellow lab so we don’t have to board him.
I love staying at that trailer. It’s out in the woods and you hear coyotes howling at night. The night sky is beautiful and they have a nice front porch where we can sit on the cool mornings and drink coffee or hot cocoa. Both couples have their own bedroom and bathroom and it’s just a nice set up. I absolutely love it.
Hubby’s aunts and uncles are not well off and none of them own houses big enough to handle two of us, much less all four of us.
The issue this year is that the pump at the trailer has gone out and there is no water. They’re going to try and fix it today but according to the weather, it’s storming there today. We’re supposed to be going there on Thursday night or Friday morning. I really don’t think they’re going to have it fixed by the time we arrive.
I looked online and found a really nice state park near where we’re going and they have fully furnished cabins AND they accept dogs of any size. I asked hubby if maybe I could reserve two cabins (one for us and one for is parents) and just plan on us staying at the cabins and he got very upset with me. I’m not sure why. He’s hell bent on staying at the trailer which would be wonderful with me but I don’t think we’ll be ABLE to stay at the trailer. I’m just looking for an alternative because I don’t want to stay in a tiny house with one bathroom.
The one aunt that does actually have enough room for us has been sick and in the hospital. She will be getting out the hospital today and getting to go home. This house is where most of us go to visit the night before and after the actual reunion.
Ok, let me back up and explain some. The reunion is actually this Saturday. Since me, hubby and his parents have to travel the longest distance, hubby’s parents feel like they should go two days early and “visit” and then not leave until a couple of days after the reunion. We’re the only four people who “stay”. When the reunion has been at hubby’s parent’s house, the other family members would drive up for that day and leave that day, even after driving 6 to 8 hours.
The thing is, the siblings who set all this up years ago are either dead or pretty sick and probably don’t want company. the children are not as much into reunions as the older ones. My hubby’s mom is very demanding and nagging and insists on staying and visiting even if the person is sick (much like she stayed all through our Christmas last year with me in bed and the doctor wanting to admit me in the hospital).
I brought up the cabins to hubby and he said his parents wouldn’t go for it. When I told hubby I could make reservations for all of us and pay for it all. He said, “I’d rather you just stay home with the dog than to listen to my mother! It’d just be easier.” I said, “well, they don’t have to stay in a cabin with us!” I left heartbroken. To me it sounded like he said, “I’d rather cow down to my mother and leave you at home.”
I’m hurt AND mad!!!! I was just looking for an alternative in case the trailer wasn’t ready by this Friday – which it probably won’t be. Maybe I’ll be better off to stay home with the dog!!!!!!!!!
Sorry….upset and needed to vent!
Damn. If you were around here, I would totally invite you and your dog to come spend Thanksgiving with us. I think our hosts would even be cool with it (they raise Rottweilers and are always happy to take in another stray… human or canine).
Seriously, hubby needs a boot up the backside for his reaction to your attempt to make the situation workable. He shows you zero respect, and you don’t need to tolerate that.
I just saw your November 20 blog post and it is wonderful!
hahahahaha, thanks Twistie!
The more I think about it, the madder I get. And although I get really mad at my hubby, I get even madder at his mother!!!!
A couple of nights ago we were watching football (oh yeah, I left out the fact that they just left our house yesterday after being there 4 days, didn’t I?) and my husband is a huge fan of college football (especially SEC since we live in the south). His mother is a big football fan too and that night we were watching Mississippi State against he University of Arkansas. It was a good game and his mother was rooting for UofA while me and hubby were rooting for our neighbor’s team, Miss State. (hubby just really enjoys ALL college football and isn’t a radical fan of any team)
Hubby’s mom all of a sudden jumped down hubby’s throat for rooting for a team that wasn’t in our state. He politely told her he was not going to root for a team simply because it was in his state…and besides, he didn’t go to that school when he went to college. She just kept on and on and said it was “wrong” that he wouldn’t root for UofA. She was to the point of tears because he would not give in to her.
I was so proud of him for standing his ground and he never raised his voice. However, I think in the end, it really bothered him that he argued with his mother. I think maybe today he felt like he needed to stand up for her and he took it out on me.
This does not excuse his behavior and I am going to confront him about it when I get home from work.
Hmmpppphhhh, I’m getting madder and madder.