The prodigal returns… or something like that. I’ll save my ramblings on possibly Zoloft induced writer’s block for another post and keep this one on its intended purpose to ask the questions: Why do I assume that most people are thin? Is thin also the default in the minds of others (it sure seems to me to be)? When 63.1% of Americans are obese or overweight, why do I make this assumption?
I realize that in many ways I am an outlier and this may contribute to why my mind defaults to thinness being the overwhelming norm and feeling like there are really no fat people on the planet, except for the random headless fatties that are all too common in news “health” reports. I am a loner for the most part and am probably more exposed to thin-obsessed media than the average bear due to the nature of my job and my unholy love of television. Lately I’ve also been playing some fun role-playing videogames where, of course, the game world’s are filled with mainly thin representations of people with the random fattie thrown in here or there often portrayed as someone who is corrupt/weak morals and all that. Even tho when I play these games, watch television and reshelve gossip rags covered in thin starlets at work I constantly remind myself that these are not realistic body shapes or sizes for most people, some part of my brain doesn’t get the message, because I have caught myself several times in the last few weeks struggling with thinking that everyone is thin – but me.
I think the important lesson in this for me is that even someone who firmly believes in body acceptance, is in an advanced level of eating disorder recovery and spends a lot of time pointing out to myself and others how unrealistic media portrayals of the human body are can be knocked for a loop, because simple exposure to the media thin obsession matters and it can really hurt. No matter the conscious efforts I may make to debunk for myself American thin-worship, the simple fact is that I am not in control of all my brain. Perhaps my subconscious is paying more attention to these things than I think or perhaps my defenses against the constant barrage of thin-celebration (and fat hate – the other side of the thin-celebrating coin) after becoming somewhat vulcan-like and losing big chunks of emotional range in my psychiatrist’s last campaign to treat my depression.
Whatever the reason and however alone I may feel with this, I know I am not alone. Here I am reminding myself that I am not alone, even if I have felt oh so very alone with my feelings of being different and not in a good way. And, for those of you out there who would like to be reminded, I am reminding you as well that you are not alone.
For myself, I think it is time I get back to reading books that help empower me and remind me of feminist and body-acceptance basics. It’s been a while and apparently I could use some shoring up.
But what to do about the television? There are some shows that I really really like, but I feel something like physical pain that there are only very thin women in a lot of these shows and when average or fat women do show up they are portrayed as “less-than” in terms of intelligence, discipline or morals. I have seen “Mike and Molly” and “Drop Dead Diva” and didn’t really like them that much. I really tried to like “Drop Dead Diva,” but it’s just not my cup of tea. I do like to see fat people (or evern just average would be great! oh wait, but fat is the average – see stat in first paragraph) on TV, but the content matters and the content just didn’t grab me for the most part. Generally I watch a lot of Star Trek TGN reruns, a few network standards (House, Lie to Me, The Good Wife) and mostly movies that I DVR off the myriad of Encore channels my cable subscription affords me. The thought is constantly running through my mind, “Yet another super-thin woman… would it KILL them for there to be some other kind of woman in at least ONE of the shows I watch??!!” I do like Dr. Cuddy and Dr. Troi as interesting and fun characters, but it feels like a slap in the face when shows that break ground in other ways seem as slavish as any other outlet to the worship of thin or at the very least the idea that super-thin is the norm. I can even remember as a really young girl, feeling punched in the gut when I realized another new show that I was growing to really like had no realistic portrayals of women in it. It felt like an attack on me personally and I realize it still does feel that way. It is amazing to me how at the same time I can realize the media all around me doesn’t portray women realistically and some other part of me swallows it all in one gullible gulp so that I feel like I am a freak for not being super-thin. The complexity of the human mind and all that…
I wonder if it is time to start seeing the TV as I see the abusive relatives that I have cut-off contact from: Sure, they have their fun times, but the abuse, shame and pain is so not worth it. Perhaps…
–AngryGrayRainbows
Angry Gray Rainbows 
I think that part of the issue is that a good chunk of that 63% of overweight/obese Americans are actually people most people would not think of as fat (just look back at the Illustrated BMI Project). I imagine there are some tv shows that have people on them who would fall into at least the overweight category (at least some of the men, maybe). But there’s definitely a bias towards the thin on tv shows. A show I like that has a great fat character (not super fat, but definitely plus-size) is Criminal Minds. Kirsten Vangness is the actress, and she’s great, and her character just happens to be fat (there have been no story lines about stereotypical fat things happening to her).
Oh yes, I love the BMI project and have been aware of it for years. Perhaps in error or not, I just expect that more people in the world would look like me, but perhaps I am more of an outlier in that respect than I think. I am very tall for a woman and I’ve never been the willowy type either. It’s like I was born to always be, at least to some extent depending on circumstance, fat. I don’t feel like I see too many women like me in my life, but like I said… I so spend far more time alone than the average bear does.
I feel the same way. A few older Brit sit-coms have larger women. Have you seen Dawn French on the Vicar of Dibley? It is pretty good and she is not a small woman.
I think about this standard when I see singers. Most pop singers are also very thin and beautiful. Appearance is clearly a pre-req.
I watch Glee and the lead female who was very thin to begin with, has obviously lost weight. I suspect another character who is large will loose weight eventually. It seems like the only way to go forward with ones career.
I 2nd Criminal Minds. I would love to see more characters like Penelope. At least I think that is her name.
LOL… you know, when I was writing this post, towards the end an episode of the Vicar of Dibley came on. I didn’t give my full attention to it (I was just using the BBC as background noise at the time), but it looked pretty good. Maybe I can find more episodes of it online, because my BBC channel doesn’t look like it will be playing it again any time soon.
I notice the thing about singers too. I remember at one point in my childhood or teen years I started to wonder if you had to be super-thin and otherwise look perfect in order to have singing talent, since as far as I could tell other shaped people were almost entirely excluded.
I will have to look up this Criminal Minds that everyone is talking about…
That’s one of the reasons I don’t watch TV. Not only do the shows not represent people as they actually are, but the commercials are sanity-stealing. DH was watching TV the other night and some commercial for some exercise machine came on, or maybe it was an exercise video, and he made the comment that he would like to see them make those commercials with fat people in them. Show fat people using the equipment, doing the exercises. I told him that would never happen, because what they’re selling is THE FANTASY OF BEING THIN, not the actual ability for fat people to improve their mobility, flexibility, or health. They don’t really care if people use the equipment/videos, as long as they buy them.
And the same goes for TV programming – they don’t really care if we actually like it because it represents us, all they care about is if we watch it so they can sell commercial time and make money. Yeah, I’m cynical, but after 40-some years of watching TV, and seeing the quality go downhill year after year after year, I think my cynicism is justified.
Vesta! It is so good to see you!!
I am with you on the profit-making cynicism. I cannot stand commercials either. Fortunately, we have a DVR, so I hardly am ever exposed to them. After a few years of hardly ever seeing a commercial, when I do see them they seem so obviously fake, manipulative and facile. And oh yeah… the exercise program/equipment and diet ads definitely seem to be the worst. I love how something as simple as something to help you do crunches is somehow supposed to make you pure solid muscle all over… oh yeah and the fake orange tans! Hah!
The funny bit to me is that I have spent many years of my life very physically active, but my body doesn’t seem to ever really become very toned. I always looked pretty soft even when I was gym obsessed, counting every calorie and trying to minimize in all possible ways the amount I allowed myself to eat. I am sure that some people could live at the gym and still not look like those folks in the exercising ads. Many people I have known who have seen steriod use up close before generally point out that a lot of the people (especially the men, but not always only just the men) look like they are taking steriods.