Part of the reason this blog exists is due to irreconcilable differences between me, Sassy and other folks of influence in an eating disorder recovery community. Commentor JennyRose requested a post on one of the very topics that was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me and Sas such that we decided to strike out on our own and blog here and AngryGrayRainbows. So, let me start out with a big shout-out to JennyRose! Some of the best post topics are suggestions that come from friends and readers… and I think this is another example of the awesomeness that happens when folks collaborate, even if it’s just a quick email suggesting a post idea.
Today, I am talking about “weight recovery.” Weight recovery is the idea that someone who is not at a “normal” weight due to an eating disorder should restore their weight to a “normal” weight in order to complete the physical aspect of recovery. If you’re underweight, you must gain weight. If you’re overweight (and especially if you’ve got the deathfatz), you must lose weight. Morbidly obese people were told that if they didn’t accept that weight recovery at some point MUST happen to be truly recovered and healthy, then they were trying to hold onto their eating disorders. The logic went something like this: if your weight became morbidly obese or underweight because of an eating disorder that it made perfect sense to gain or lose weight to heal the eating disorder.
I have had much less experience with Anorexia, so I’m going to speak from a COE/BED or simply overweight point of view. I do understand that in dealing with someone who is starving a certain level of nourishment has to be reached before the person can even absorb the emotional/mental/spiritual work involved in eating disorder Recovery… however, that is all I’m saying about the Anorexia aspect, as I know little about it. What I do know about is the folks that were being told that they needed to lose weight and I’m going to talk about them…
Must a fat person recovering or recovered from an ED (eating disorder) lose weight at some point? If they don’t restrict to lose weight are they hanging onto the ED?
How can we even assume that it is POSSIBLE for all fat people (even the morbidly obese) to get down to a normal weight or even just something that falls into the overweight category on the chart?? Overwhelmingly, science disagrees with this idea that diets can work – no, not even when we call it “weight restoration.” What kind of recovery demands all “really fat” people do something that 99% of people cannot achieve? Sure, some people may lose weight, but is everyone gonna lose weight in ED recovery? No way, says Science! I suppose Science is somehow deluded and wants fat people to hold onto their eating disorders, eh?
My take on this from very early on is that some fat folks in the ED community don’t want to let go of their FOBT (fantasy of being thin). I’ve been there. The only way I could get myself to do anything on a ED Recovery vein at first was to assure myself that at the end I would finally be thin. Sure, I’d do the emotional work and go to therapy and even eat more… but I wasn’t gonna do anything if it wasn’t eventually gonna make me thin. I think a lot of people go through this in their ED recoveries. I was fortunate enough to, in the course of my recovery work, get over the FOBT. I accepted the radical idea that I may always be plus-size… and I realized that was okay and potentially optimally HEALTHY for me. At this point, I was usually told by the weight recoverers that I have never been fat enough to possibly understand how crucial weight recovery is for those who are “bone-crushingly huge.” I have learned that there is something wrong in a conversation, if I feel the need to qualify what I say or know with, “Oh… and I was 240 pounds on and off for a cumulative of who knows how many years of my life.” Trying to exclude someone from a conversation because they’re not fat enough is simply not cool. And, yes, you thin folks out there are more than welcome to participate in this blog or this post! Whatever I weigh now or have weighed in the past does not change the fact that diets don’t work. However fat or thin someone is doesn’t change the fact that what they say aligns with scientific findings. Sheesh.
Ironically, I think of those weight recoverers the same way they prolly think of me and Sas. I think they are using “weight recovery” as a way to hang into the FOBT and maybe even their ED. They think (as far as I can tell) that we use size-acceptance as a way to keep ourselves emotionally and mentally numbed-out on cupcakes, etc. *headdesk* As I’ve posted before, IE is nowhere near some kinda weight-loss cop-out…
ED physical recovery, to me, is learning to live a healthy life – in terms of IE and HAES. For some people, this will mean losing weight. Some people will stay the same. Some people may even lose. I believe it is none of our friggin’ business what our body size is… and it’s no one else’s business either. Our bodies know what weight is optimal for us. Here’s a radical idea – why not let our bodies decide what we will weigh!
What has been truly alarming to me was the fat folks in ED recovery who were seriously discussing weight loss surgery (WLS) as a means to physical recovery. The fact is that WLS is seriously dangerous. People die. Some people (*gasp* can you believe it!) would rather have stayed morbidly obese than be very thin and live with the medical complications that WLS has caused. And, somehow a procedure that causes so many problems for the people who have it is the answer to physical recovery? I think not. And, no, Weight Watchers isn’t the answer either.
I find it really strange that the folks who disagreed with me and Sas spouted over and over again that obesity (and morbid obesity) was a danger to health was a “MEDICAL FACT.” Well, no. Scientific fact doesn’t state such a thing, actually. However, it does have a lot to say about the pointlessness of dieting and the danger of WLS. Weird that no one was throwing that medical fact around other than me, Sas and some other folks who, like us, were of the IE persuasion. Ah well, I suppose folks who misstate “medical fact” can’t be expected to go further and research other arguments and actually repeat those study findings in any kind of intellectually honest way. I just hate to see people suffer… which, is why it pains me to see people holding onto their FOBTs and contemplating diets and WLS.
The fact is that studies show that it is healthier to remain fat than to diet and then regain weight. Since 99% of diets don’t work, you can bet that your diet will cause weight regain and the health problems associated with weight cycling and yo-yo dieting. Even if I were to believe that (though, most of the health problems blamed on fat have more to do with genetics and the normal aging process than anything to do with fat) a person’s fat is causing them some problem, the high risk that a diet will cause them to ultimately weigh even more is worth considering.
What do I think physical recovery is? I think it is learning to love your body wherever it is right now. I think it is exercising and eating well and resting and all that good stuff. If you lose weight, fine. If you don’t lose weight, fine. This is what Health at Every Size is about and what I believe works.
Are there folks out there who use being overweight, obese or morbidly obese as an excuse to not live a healthy life? Sure. Guess what? There are thin people who do the SAME THING. Whatever a person’s size, I believe in a lovely, healthy life full of all sorts of good things. This does not include over-exercising or never eating chocolate again. Having fun can be exercise. Eating real butter is alright! Eating veggies is alright! Eating what your BODY truly wants is a lovely guideline for a healthy body… though, learning to understand what a body truly wants is a skill that takes some time to learn, but the lesson is worth the effort! And, if you think your body wants to live on sweets or whatever all the time, you don’t know how to listen to your body yet.
With that last bit, I think a post on the intricacies of listening to the body is in order some time soon… 😀
–AngryGrayRainbows
Angry Gray Rainbows 