Adventures in Adding Fatz to my Diet

Diet – not like a diet (like SlimFast or Weight Watchers) for weight loss.  I mean diet here as simply what I eat… which is whatever I want as per Intuitive Eating.

My boyfriend keeps telling me lately that I’m not eating enough food.  Not because he sees me restricting or using eating disordered behaviors, but because of how I feel sometimes – fatigued with very fast escalating urgent hunger.  It has been weird (in a good way) for me to hear this from him for many reasons: a) I have had long-term relationships with men before who were very interested in my weight – they counted my calories, they freaked out if I ate a piece of cake FOR MY BIRTHDAY (no joke), they encouraged my eating disorder.  b) I’ve been a normal weighted to overweight girl (with some forays into obesity) all my life and I’m not used to people advising me to eat more, of all things. 

However, as commentor Elizabeth was so kind to remind us in my last post, even fat people can be malnourished.  Size doesn’t dictate malnutrition.  Also, fat is an important part of a balanced diet… as I have recently relearned myself. 

In my adult-life, I haven’t had much fat in my diet for some good reasons and for some not good reasons.  My family was big into the Pritikin diet through-out my entire childhood.   It was talked about in my family as if this diet was the only virtuous things for glutonnous fatties to do.  This particular diet, among other things, had a low-fat focus.  It was ingrained me in very early how “evil” fat is and I didn’t realize how deeply these ideas still effected me.  Otherwise, I am a vegetarian.  I have been mostly pure vegetarian (which means – abstains from gelatin, meat broth, fish and other assorted things less strict veggies may include in their diets) since 2000.  I had a year or two in the midst of all this where I tried adding fish to my diet for health purposes, but I have since gone back to pure veggieness.  I am a HUGE animal lover… and it was very difficult for me to even eat shrimp.  I used to be able to get much of my daily fat from nuts and soy, but I now live with the love of my life who is deadly allergic to nuts and soy.  Sure, I eat them still, but not as often when the mere smell can cause a reaction in the boyfriend.  Preparing food with soy/nuts in it becomes this big ordeal.  I need to make sure crumbs don’t end up anywhere the bf could be exposed to them.  I clean dishes that have touched nuts/soy immediately after eating them, so if he decides to do me a favor and do the dishes, I don’t have to worry about him getting into my soy/nuts stuck to some plate and sending him to the ER.  So, frankly, often I feel that eating nuts/soy is too much a hassle to be worth messing with.  That leaves me eating a lot of fruits, veggies and grains… I haven’t been getting the fat that I need as the foods I genuinely like in these categories are generally low in fat.  I try to get in as much dairy as possible, but I am also very lactose intolerant, so unless I want excruciating stomach aches due to mucous build-up in the stomach that can last for days after eating a few bites of the wrong kind of cheese, I am very, very careful with the dairy I eat.  My dairy choices usually lean towards the low in fat, unfortunately, because these (for some reason) give me less stomach issues. 

So, after hearing my bf comment on my seeming need for more food night after night… I decided to give his idea a shot.  In particular, I have been focusing on getting more fat in my diet.  It is truly the one area of my diet where I know I am lacking… otherwise my diet is pretty balanced.  I have been going the extra mile and eating nuts and soy more often.  I am worth the effort and I’m not holding back!  I just make sure I prepare and eat it before the bf gets home from work.  I am also adding in lots of eggs to my diet.  The truth is, I love eggs.  Always have.  Life has just been so stressful the last four years that I got out of the habit of cooking them.  Things have changed now… whoooooo hoooooooooooo for quitting that sickening job… so, I am finally feeling ready, willing and able to actually take decent care of myself.  I have been experimenting with different ways to get fat into my diet… buttery toast, heavy cookies, eggs in all forms, cereal with whole milk, cheese on pasta for dinner, etc.  I am learning what makes me feel less malnourished.  Frankly, I am picky with food and don’t particularly like to eat, so most of these experiments have been busts.  But, I have discovered that organic whole milk doesn’t make set-off my stomach, but doesn’t make me feel like I’ve eaten enough fat.  I’ve never really liked butter, except on potatoes, waffles, pancakes and a few other exceptions… so that wasn’t great.  What I have discovered that really helps is olive oil (with anything), eggs and large servings of low-fat cheese has helped me feel SO MUCH BETTER physically and mentally – beyond the nuts and soy I am eating again when the bf isn’t home.  I have also learned that I feel best physically when I enjoy my desert-type food in the morning or in the afternoon.  Too much sugar before bed seems to aggravate the waking up at 2am bit.  However, as an intuitive eater, I will tell ya right now that my diet does not lack in fun foods like fresh bakery cookies, coffee cake and those drumstick ice cream things that are just HEAVENLY. 

What has changed?

I sleep so much better!!!!!  I have spent at least a year (maybe more) waking up almost every night between 1-3am so hungry that I was in serious physical pain.  It was really messing with my quality of sleep and who likes to wake up in the middle of the night in pain and desperately hungry?  Ick.  I tried eating dinner later.  I tried eating more through-out the day.  I tried eating an extra and large bowl of cereal before I went to bed.  Nothing worked, until I tried eating more fat.  Heh.  Apparently I really needed it.  Neat, huh? 

Otherwise, another benefit of adding more fat to my diet is that my hunger is more stable through-out the day.  When I get hungry, it doesn’t become urgent hunger nearly as quickly as it used to.  I have more time to notice the hunger and think about what I’d like to eat before I hit the point where I’m OMG SO HUNGRY I COULD EAT THE COFFEE TABLE.  I have more time to ask myself what my body really wants and what might really satisfy my hunger… it’s just beautiful to have more space to do this! 

Have I lost weight or gained weight?  Who knows.  I don’t particularly care.  I feel healthier and happier… that is the important bit. 

So far, any weight loss or gain hasn’t been significant anyway… except that my boobs got bigger and look nicer (no, I’m not pregnant – I checked).  Maybe fat is having some lovely effect on them.  Who knows.  Maybe it’s hormones. 

Yay for fatz and the courage to add them back into a diet sorely lacking in them.  😀

–AngryGrayRainbows