Progress

At the moment, I’m struggling with what to say.  I, too, am an ex-member of the Something Fishy community.  I was an active member for three years.  I obtained some pretty cool cyber friendships through “the bowl”.  

For the past six months I’ve struggled with posting to the board that brought so much to my recovery.  The board where I felt safe and heard has now become toxic for me and if anything, it thwarts my recovery and leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth.

I’m mourning the loss of a good friend (the bowl) and the hurt is still there.  People who I thought would support me emotionally have turned their support for me into a focus on “weight restoration”.   They’ve taken my posts and made them into arenas to discuss weight restoration even though that was not the intent of my post.

I’m hurt that the administrator has allowed this to happen and even moreso that the administrator usually takes part in these discussions.  I have felt bullied and ganged up on for about six months now and I’m choosing to leave the bowl behind.

Regardless of the hurt and toxicity I feel about the bowl now, I cannot deny the help it gave me through the last three years.  I have made progress in my road to recovery and to not focus on that would be detrimental to my recovery in the future.  There’s so much to be grateful for NOW and it’s time to move on.

Reminder to self…

Areas of progress:  I can now walk by a mirror, look at my whole body and not wince.  I’m proud of the boundaries I’ve been able to put in place in some areas of my life.  I love myself more than I have ever before in my life.  I value my own worth and try very hard not to beat myself up.  I work on my emotional issues with ferocity and conviction. 

Life goes on….time passes.  (so maybe I’m not struggling with what to say as much as I thought I was)

~sas