ThunderLightning Tornadoes Hail
STRENGTH
If you have been reading here lately, you know that I’ve really been struggling lately.
I don’t know why but yesterday I was able to get out of bed and have a somewhat clear-thinking day. The storms pushed through our area, the tornado sirens went off, we got in our closet with our dog, flashlights and radio and we survived a day of bad weather. Because of the drop in barometric pressure and the really high humidity, I had a barometric pressure headache. I mean it was a killer. It seemed that my head alone weighed 50 pounds and it throbbed like crazy. I just knew it was going to explode.
Through all the craziness of yesterday I think I came out a better person emotionally. A couple of times I just simply had to retreat to bed to get away from the constant warnings on the TV and the throbbing of my head. I guess in those moments I reflected back on what I consider to have been better times for me.
I realized I have completely fallen away from accepting myself. I have “allowed” someone else (my dear hubby) to change how I view myself. Now this is about par for the course for my life because I have a history of letting other people’s opinions of me determine my feelings toward myself.
I thought back to the few months that I was completely immersed in self acceptance and how good it felt. I can remember that my self acceptance had me feeling good about myself but mostly it helped me to not give a flying rat’s ass what anyone else thought of me (including my dear hubby). My self acceptance/fat acceptance/body acceptance allowed me to gain my self respect and see my own self worth.
With that in mind this morning, I got up and went straight for the computer. I had gotten out of the habit of reading some of my favorite FA blogs (because God forbid you get any support from society and your work buddies!) and I know when I go to those blogs (see our blog roll) that I will feel like someone knows what I’m going through. I see hope when I read from people who are struggling as I am or, even better, from people who truly accept themselves and shout it to the world!
Today is a new day and I feel I have a new strength. Thank you fellow bloggers!
~sas
Angry Gray Rainbows 
I am so glad to hear you are feeling better and stronger. I am sure you have been here before and it isn’t really the end of your issues with your husband. I second whoever suggested you go to Co-dependents anonymous or alanon. Alanon did me a world of good. I have forgotten how empowering it was to be able to change myself and take care of myself. It is hard to say if what is going on with you and dh is really abuse or just extreme manipulation due to insecurity. What matters now is getting it to end so that you can begin to heal and feel better. You don’t have to make any major decisions at this point, just take care of yourself!
Hey, Sassy, just wanted to let you know I read your last few posts (I’ve been extremely busy and not online much lately) but I support you in doing whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. You are a treasure, and I want you preserved!
Also, the title of the last post made me think of that scene in “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” where Steve Martin and John Candy are driving the wrong way on the highway and someone shouts at them “you’re going the wrong way” and they say “how do they know which way we’re going?” — that’s what I replay in my head when I have that feeling of “going the wrong way” — I laugh because my initial reaction to that is rebellion, “how do they know which way I’m going” — but that feeling of losing ground or going the wrong way is a very frustrating one.
Sending much love, and I wish I could just see you in person so I could hug you and show you how much you mean to me!