What an amazing image, yes? I love it… it brings to mind a different meaning of “woman” than I am going to pull apart in this post…
I went to Target today and realized that all the plus-size clothes in my store is under the banner of “women.” Then I thought about how Tyra Banks and Janice Dickenson call the models “girls” – no matter what their ages are – on their shows. I remembered that as a child, “women” seemed like a dirty word in terms of fashion or clothes. The women’s section where I grew up was full of really unflattering clothes and a high rate of mumus. Sigh…
It reminds me of the eating disordered years that I wanted to look like a 12-yr-old. I wanted never to age. I didn’t want womanly hips or breasts or anything else associated with womanhood. It all added up to mumus in my mind… and isolation… and being bullied…I thought about all the women who do horrible things to themselves so that they can forever fit into the junior’s section to avoid the “horrid” label of “woman,” when they are not naturally that small.
For years, I could not use the word “woman.” I used “girl,” “gal” or “chick” mostly. I thought it was definitely weird that I didn’t use this word that other people used so easily, but I couldn’t figure out why. I think I had very much connected the meaning of woman with someone who cannot find flattering clothes… someone who is alienated by fashion designers… someone who is deemed as gluttonous, unhealthy, lazy and irrelevant. At the same time, I had girlfriends who would great me with “woman!!” sometimes and that never bothered me. I sensed that they didn’t use it in the loaded way the word existed in my head, so it didn’t bother me. Over the past couple of years, I’ve worked consciously to use the word WOMAN and to realize that the word can mean so many things, not just the things I thought it meant as a kid.
When I went on DeviantArt to find a picture for this post, I found all sorts of positive images under the search term “women.” I’m glad to see that not everyone holds that distorted definition I clung to for too many years to heart. I was a very isolated child and lived in a very isolated area on top of that… I think that accounts for some of the strange conclusions I came to in my formative years. I also wonder if other women have trouble with the word “women” as well… anyone? Anyone else been there or still there?
Today, I am able to most of the time think of the word “woman” or “women” as a positive term. Coming to this point has been a big thing for me. What a wonderful and freeing thing to no longer fear womanhood and to appreciate women of all shapes and sizes! Thank goodness for places like Adipositivity and Torid and places like those for showing more diversity of womanhood and reminding me that I don’t have to look like a 12-yr-old to be truly feminine.
To end… here’s another pic I found on DeviantArt that I find so lovely… my heart gets all warm gazing at it:
–AngryGrayRainbows
Angry Gray Rainbows 